Rethinking Fears

Fearing for Loved Ones

The mighty prophet Teiresias at last revealed himself to Odysseus and drank his fill of the spilled blood. The prophet provided his counsel, cautioning that Poseidon’s anger had yet to be assuaged. He predicted that Odysseus would lose the whole of his crew, along with his ship, to the terrors of the sea and would return alone to shores of Ithaca. There, Teiresias declared, he would realize that the men of Ithaca who wanted to marry his wife Penelope had overrun his home, devoured all sustenance, and abused his son. Hearing this declaration by the sightless oracle, Odysseus was awash with fear—the fear of losing those he held most dear to his heart.

Fear and Dread are the ogres that often haunt the steps of the adolescent who becomes brutally aware of the mortality of loved ones. Those who care about students such as these must learn to smite such foes. They are enemies who would attempt to ensnare a life that could be lived in freedom.

When disaster strikes someone close to us, it is natural to feel worried about others that we love. The sudden realization that all human beings are mortal can be very unnerving for a young person. Thoughts such as “Will my mother die?” or “Will my brother be hurt?” can cross an adolescent’s mind with startling frequency. A student affected by another’s death may appear to be fine on the outside, but inside they are often grieving. They are fearful of experiencing this type of loss again in perhaps an even more personal and devastating way.

If you suspect that a young person is struggling with fears such as this, it is helpful to arrange for a private meeting. There, in an environment of caring and confidentiality, the student can share what is really on his mind. Allow the student to share with little input from you. Simply listen. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a young person in this situation is to be a listening ear.

If she is reluctant to divulge her thoughts concerning her fears and worries about the future, you may want to ask her to write her concerns on a piece of paper or in a journal. This is another grounding technique that allows an individual to take an abstract and thus powerful fear and make it concrete and tangible. Writing reduces intangible fears to something that is manageable. The student can look at the list and say, “So this is what I’m afraid of.” The rational mind is allowed to intervene and determine if the fears are worth having or if they are in fact irrational. A piece of paper and a pencil seem innocuous, but they are in reality very strong weapons against Fear and Dread. The pen is mightier than the sword. It is true that we will all lose those we love, but a life lived in fear of such loss is no life at all.

Rethinking Giants II

Most people have never come face to face with a flesh-eating, one-eyed mythological monstrosity like Polyphemus, but many young people have encountered a giant just as menacing. For a moment, look at bullying again through the eyes of someone who is currently facing it, and you will come to understand that bullying is a monster just as fearsome as the Cyclops of Homeric epic. Bullying strikes at the heart and soul of the adolescent, with a terrible brutality.

Rethinking the Cyclops Cave

The Greek sailors who ventured with Odysseus had trusted their commander through thick and thin, through the tortuous years of the Trojan War and beyond. However, nothing could have prepared them for the terror they were about to endure on one ominous island that awaited the landing of their ships. Odysseus had already rescued his men from the perils of the lotus fruit and the narcotic apathy that it offered. Still coming down from the high of the intoxicating plant, the crew grumbled mightily. They argued that Odysseus should have left them to their peace and not dragged them back to sea. They were hungry and feeling mutinous. Odysseus, though not wanting to land on any of the nearby islands, was forced into a position where he had to make landfall or face the consequences of an increasingly unhappy crew. In the foggy blue of the Aegean Sea, a rocky island appeared slowly from the mist. Odysseus and a small company of his men set out to explore the island, searching for food and supplies.

Not long after setting foot on the mountainous island, one of the men spotted what appeared to be a herd of sheep moving across a rocky outcropping. The men ran after this wandering meal with the fervor brought on by intense hunger. Unfortunately for Odysseus, something else watched his men from the shadows of a high cave, waiting with an even more insatiable appetite for the meal that was running his way.

The Greeks pursued the sheep up the rocky clefts in the mountain until they came to a great cave. Hearing the bleating of the sheep from within the vast cavern, the men cautiously entered. As their eyes adjusted to the gloom and darkness, they saw a fire pit with great spits that roasted several goats. The aroma drifting from the open pit was too much for the men to take! They sprinted inside the cave and began stuffing their mouths with the succulent meat and sizzling fat. The feeling that they were but mice in a horrible trap, however, plagued Odysseus.

Without warning, an enormous stone was rolled in front of the entrance to the cave, plunging the Greeks into thick darkness. Only the fire pit cast an orange glow on the walls of the cave, making shadows dance like fearful demons. Then from the darkness emerged a sight so abhorrent and terrible that it reduced the brave Hellenic fighters to yelping children. A huge, monstrous, humanlike figure with gleaming teeth and one huge eye in the middle of its forehead stepped into the center of the cave. A massive hand reached down and lifted two of the sailors into the air with ease and stuffed them into the giant’s crushing mouth. The screaming men were eaten alive, bones and all! Growling and snarling, the monster reveled in the sheer ter ror he generated. The rest of the crew cowered in utter fear before the giant Cyclops.

Odysseus, his nimble mind always scheming, decided to entreat the monster. He called out to the Cyclops, drawing the fearsome giant into a conversation. Odysseus asked for the monster’s name. The Cyclops responded that his name was Polyphemus, and said that he and his brothers owned this island that the Greeks had stumbled upon. At that moment, he reached down and laid hold of another terrified sailor.

Determined not to lose any more of his men to this colossal horror, Odysseus intervened. Bernard Evslin provides an admirable paraphrase of this intercession in The Adventures of Ulysses. “Wait!” he cried. “Why?” asked the Cyclops. “Well,” the king responded, “that man you are about to eat was raised on olives and has an oily taste. You will not enjoy him without the taste of wine.” Confused, Polyphemus retorted that he was not familiar with “wine.” Odysseus continued, “Wine! It is the drink of the gods. Here, it is my gift to you.” With that, Odysseus handed the giant a substantial flask of the cordial. As the giant drank the wine, he asked Odysseus for his name. The clever king of Ithaca responded, “My name . . . is nobody.” “Well Nobody, “replied Polyphemus. “I like you. Therefore, I will eat you last.” As the Cyclops imbibed more and more wine, he became sleepier and sleepier, until finally the great body collapsed upon the cave floor and the sounds of mighty snoring ensued.

Odysseus commanded his sniveling men to go to either side of the giant’s mighty head. The king set the blade of his sword in the embers of the fire until it turned red hot. He then ordered his men to hold tightly to the huge ears of the sleeping giant to steady his head. With one powerful move, Odysseus plunged the glowing blade deep into the Cyclops lone eye! Awakened by the blow, Polyphemus wailed and thrashed about in agony. The Greeks hid among the sheep of the cave in a desperate attempt to avoid the reach of the now blinded monster. As suddenly as the wailing and groaning of the Cyclops began, it stopped, leaving the cave in deafening silence. The Greeks, hidden among the sheep, held their breath, as the giant listened quietly for the sounds that might lead him to the men who had left him so impaired.

Hearing only the bleating of the sheep, Polyphemus rolled the huge boulder away from the cave entrance, knowing that the sheep would instinctively exit the cave, leaving behind the men for whom his great wrath was now burning ferociously. Understanding the giant’s plan, Odysseus quietly ordered his men to cling to the bellies of the sheep as they left the cave, allowing them to flee undetected from the presence of the Cyclops. Looking back as he ran to freedom, Odysseus noticed several other tremendous figures converging on the cave, obviously the other Cyclopes, drawn by the bellowing of their wounded brother. “Who did it?” the other giants roared. “Who has blinded you?” Still in considerable agony, Polyphemus replied, “Nobody has blinded me!” “So you have done it yourself?” the others said. “What a terrible accident!”

Rethinking Giants

No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.—Edmund Burke

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.—Bertrand Russell

I’ve grown certain that the root of all fear is that we’ve been forced to deny who we are.—Frances Moore Lappe

Most adolescents have experienced or are currently struggling with the problem of bullying. Bullying is when someone performs certain actions or says certain things to harass or exert power over another. It is about the domination of other souls. Schoolyard bullying has plagued every generation, and most adults have traditionally viewed it as a right of passage, telling the young to simply ignore the bully and he will eventually go away. But bullying can leave scars on hearts that last a lifetime. Over the next few weeks, this blog will address the issue of bullying by exploring Odysseus’s encounter with the horrific Cyclops.

Rethinking Myth & Story II

What can story teach us about this dilemma? Through the recent production of three prequel episodes—The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith—a new generation is discovering the magic and wonder of Star Wars, a movie saga that began in 1977. Let’s take a closer look at that original episode, A New Hope, and mine it for wisdom that might pertain to the matter at hand.

Luke Skywalker, a boy in his late teens, is living with his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru on a desert planet known as Tatooine. Here Luke has struggled with his life as a farmer, isolated from the action and excitement he so desperately craves. He secretly fears that he will become like his Uncle Owen, a man who has buried his desires and longings for life and adventure under a pile of duty, obligations, and drudgery.

Owen has settled for something less in life. Most students, if you really get a chance to know them, carry this secret fear with them as well. It is the fear that they will become like their parents—reality as seen through the eyes of an adolescent—and settle for a life of crunching numbers and balancing the checkbook.

Rethinking Belonging II

There is nothing inherently wrong with peer groups or cliques. They are common to every middle and high school, typically based on friendships and mutual interests. However, they do have the potential to twist and mold an adolescent into their own image. The coming-of-age movie The Breakfast Club (1985) illustrates this state of affairs in an entertaining yet poignant way. The entire movie takes place in a Saturday detention hall in a suburban Chicago high school. Represented is one member of each social group in the school.

As each student strolls into the detention hall, the air is thick with posturing and posing. The camera pans over the five students, and you can see that each bears the emblems of their social group—buttons, sport shirts, jeans jackets, eye makeup, pocket protectors. Slowly, they are pushed by one another out of their comfort zones and forced to be real about who they really are on the inside. If you can look past the strong language, this film provides a great study on the concept of the formation of identity. Think about this for a moment. You were probably a member of at least one clique during your school years. What often acts as the glue or the bond that keeps these peer groups together? It is fear, plain and simple—the fear of being left out, of being different, of being nobody.

Rethinking Our Inner Enemies

Here is another great quote from Henri Nouwen:

"How do we befriend our inner enemies lust and anger? By listening to what they are saying. They say, "I have some unfulfilled needs" and "Who really loves me?" Instead of pushing our lust and anger away as unwelcome guests, we can recognize that our anxious, driven hearts need some healing. Our restlessness calls us to look for the true inner rest where lust and anger can be converted into a deeper way of loving.

There is a lot of unruly energy in lust and anger! When that energy can be directed toward loving well, we can transform not only ourselves but even those who might otherwise become the victims of our anger and lust. This takes patience, but it is possible."

We try so hard to discipline and manage our outer lives that we more often than not neglect what is going on in our hearts. Our fears, lust, and anger can lead us to some real truth if we are courageous enough to listen to them rather than acting on them or pushing them down.

Rethinking the Enemy III

Young people today have to decide whether or not they will agree with the voices that eventually lead to despair. If they start agreeing with statements like those, it won’t be long until they find themselves becoming more and more cynical and fatalistic about life in general.

Adolescents often verbalize those statements that they’ve agreed with, declaring that they are “unlucky” or “dumb.” It would be easy to dismiss those sentiments as nothing more than teen angst, but let’s look at what is really happening on a deeper level. For example, if Danielle is spurned by a boy that she really likes, she might be presented with the lie that she is “unlovable” or “unattractive.” If she, in her mind and heart, agrees with this assessment—however absurd—she will begin to behave as if she were unlovable or unattractive. This behavior in turn will invite others to treat her in the same way. In essence, we teach others how to treat us. When Danielle hears these messages from both herself and others around her, she may be tempted to evaluate other situations in her life through the same discouraging lens.

When Ted is cut from the basketball team, he might be exposed to the lie that he “will never amount to anything” or is “a failure.” Believing this lie, he might find himself fearful of trying new things, in an attempt to shield his heart from rejection.

Here we have two young people who have the potential to be great men or women, to live and love, perhaps affecting the lives of countless thousands or even millions. Instead, through the snare of agreeing with the villain in their stories, they find their hearts bound with the chains of cynicism, despair, depression, and fear. They lose, and the world loses. How does one overcome treacherous assaults such as these? No one wants to look at life with that kind of trepidation. So, how do we help young people avoid this pitfall?

Rethinking the Enemy II

When a discouraging situation occurs, there is always a choice to be made. Look at your own life. When something bad transpires, what happens next? A subtle voice speaking in your mind delivers a disparaging message—a fiery dart aimed right at your heart—suggesting:

• “That kind of thing always happens to me!”
• “I’m such an idiot!”
• “I just have bad luck.”
• “People will only like you if you look your best.”
• “Your friends are eventually going to leave you.”
• “I can never get it right.”
• “I am a bad person.”
• “Things will never change.”

For the purposes of this blog, we will refer to this “voice” as the villain in our story. We face an enemy in our lives, an enemy that is relentless and devious. You see, when we hear the voice of our adversary, in a split second, we have a decision to make. Notice how beguiling this is! Are you going to agree with the negative statement or not? We so often end up agreeing with these slanderous assaults against our character and our heart, though we are totally unaware that we are doing so.

When we end up depressed, fearful of certain situations, or cynical about life, we are left wondering how we got there. Just like any myth, fairy tale, or movie, the villain in our story is relentless, yet surprisingly subtle in its efforts to prevent us from realizing who we really are.