Rethinking Bullying VIII

Sword to the Eye

When Polyphemus was fast asleep, the wise Odysseus knew that the effects of the wine would soon wear off, and he and his men would again find themselves in mortal danger. Realizing this, the king knew that drastic measures needed to be taken. He heated his sword in the fire pit until the blade was red hot. Then, while his men restrained the Cyclops, Odysseus thrust the glowing blade deep into the epicenter of the monster’s hideous strength, his single eye. Blinded and in agony, the Cyclops rolled the enormous stone away from the mouth of the cave to call for help, allowing the Greek soldiers to escape.

The behavior of a bully can lead a victim to feel powerlessness. This feeling can have a deteriorating effect on the heart, leading to despair and hopelessness. The Old Testament story of David and Goliath describes the Philistine giant Goliath taunting the armies of Israel for days on end. The Israelite soldiers and even their king Saul felt more and more defeated and fearful the longer this was allowed to continue. Fear and despair, this is what we are fighting against. Encourage the victim to be assertive in bullying situations, just as the young David stepped in to face his huge opponent.

What does assertiveness look like? It depends upon the student who is being bullied. If a student is being bullied in a school cafeteria every time he passes by a certain lunch table, he may be tempted to tiptoe quickly and quietly past the table while looking down at the ground so as to not draw unwanted attention. A protective response like this may seem natural, but over time it wears away a person’s sense of worth and serves to make the person feel even more powerless. It is a good exercise to identify one’s fears. An adult leader in circumstances such as these would want to help this student to identify his fears and put words to them.

Keep in mind that this usually can only happen within the framework of a previously established relationship and sense of trust between adult and student. Putting words to our fears has the same effect as shining a light in a darkened room. It is a grounding technique, one that allows the student to take her fears from being something amorphous (which enables fears to last and linger far longer than they otherwise could) to something that is concrete and definable.

Let’s say that this young lady walks meekly past a threatening situation because she is afraid that another student, or students, will say something disparaging toward her if she is noticed. In this case, assertiveness for her might be allowing herself to be noticed. She should speak up and walk proudly, with her head held high. She ought to make eye contact with those who have been harassing her. If a bully bothers her, she should loudly and firmly tell the person to stop what they are doing. Bullies rarely like to have their actions broadcast to everyone else. She may not feel that self-confident, but feelings follow actions.

Metaphorically, the Cyclops cave represents a prison of fear, and the sword of Odysseus symbolizes assertiveness, which is the key to being released from the cave. For the Israelites, freedom from Goliath’s intimidation and fear came at the hands of a young boy armed with only a sling and a stone. In Tolkien’s The Hobbit, the people of Lake Town were liberated from the terror of the dragon Smaug through the courage of Bard and the swiftness of his Black Arrow. Act the way you want to feel until you actually feel that way. Don’t let the bullies win!

This next assertion will probably ruffle some feathers, but some feathers need to be ruffled. There may be some circumstances where a young person may need to physically defend himself against a bully. This is especially true for adolescent boys. I think back to my tenth-grade boys’ gym class. Mr. Auberon, our teacher, introduced us to a number of different athletic activities such as baseball, basketball, archery, golf, tennis, and volleyball. One day he announced that he would be breaking the class up into pairs so that we could learn some wrestling moves. I remember some of the students in the class grumbling rather audibly when Mr. Auberon made the announcement, but even more I remember his reply to their protests. He said, “You never know what kind of situation you might find yourself in someday, and a man needs to know that he can take care of himself.” This is truer than many in our society want to believe. Like it or not, boys (and men) need to know that they are able to handle themselves if the going gets rough.

A student who is being bullied will want to identify his fears and be assertive, but he will also want to know that he can defend himself if he is physically assaulted. An adult leader in this case may want to encourage some form of self-defense training, martial arts, or perhaps trying out for the wrestling team. It may even be as simple as an adult leader teaching the student a few wrestling moves or how to throw or dodge a punch.

There are probably some that are ready to close the browser window, thinking that this is a call to violence. However, it is anything but a physical call to arms. Instead, we want to teach someone—or arrange for someone to be taught—how to defend himself so that hopefully they will never have to do so.

Mr. Miyagi draws the truth out of his protégé Daniel LaRusso by asking, “Daniel-san, why do you study Karate?” Daniel replies, “So I can fight.” Miyagi looks deep into Daniel’s eyes and says, “Is that what you think?” “No,” Daniel replies, and then after a pause continues, “So I won’t have to fight!” Miyagi smiles.

The battle is not in the physical realm. It is a contest for the heart. This suggestion is no doubt an investment of time and energy, but it is an investment that will pay lifelong dividends.

Rethinking Sarah

Female Bullying: The Story of Sarah

Female bullying looks different from male bullying in that it is primarily verbal and emotional. This isn’t to say that female bullying can’t become physical, as it occasionally does. Let’s take a look at Sarah’s situation to gain a better understanding of female-on-female bullying.

Sarah had grown up in the school district she currently attended. Through elementary and now middle school, she had spent most of her time with a group of about six or seven girlfriends. In the middle of her eighth-grade year, things became a little rocky with one of the girls in her group, Tina, who was arguably the leader. One day at the lunch table, Sarah mentioned that she thought a certain boy, Travis, was a "hottie." Unbeknownst to Sarah, Travis was currently being pursued by Tina. Tina reacted by calling Sarah a "slut." This led to considerable awkwardness, and Sarah, who tried to avoid confrontation, didn’t respond and fell silent.

Over the next few weeks, things began to get worse and worse. Sarah returned from her gym class to find the word "Ho!" scrawled in pencil on the door of her locker. She quickly tried to erase the word before anyone else saw it, but some around her noticed. The atmosphere at the lunch table was becoming more and more tense as Tina continually taunted Sarah, referring to
her as a "bitch" and "whore." Some of the other girls at the table began to give Sarah the cold shoulder, more in an attempt to stay in the good graces of the dominant Tina

The next day, a group of girls from another clique came up to Sarah’s locker in the morning before homeroom. They snickered and laughed. "What’s the matter?" Sarah queried. "So . . . how was it?" one of the girls replied. "How was what?" Sarah said. "Well, Tina told everyone on MySpace last night that you had sex with some kid." Sarah felt the tears of frustration seep into her eyes; she couldn’t help it. She ran away crying, which only fueled the poisonous gossip and rumors that Tina had spread.

That night she locked herself in her room. Sarah’s mother knew that something was terribly wrong, but was unable to pry any information from her daughter as to what it might be. How could Sarah tell her mother? Imagine the embarrassment! She, too, felt like Odysseus, trapped in the Cyclops cave. Her crew was being eaten one by one and the situation was looking ever grimmer.

Rethinking Giants II

Most people have never come face to face with a flesh-eating, one-eyed mythological monstrosity like Polyphemus, but many young people have encountered a giant just as menacing. For a moment, look at bullying again through the eyes of someone who is currently facing it, and you will come to understand that bullying is a monster just as fearsome as the Cyclops of Homeric epic. Bullying strikes at the heart and soul of the adolescent, with a terrible brutality.

Rethinking the Cyclops Cave

The Greek sailors who ventured with Odysseus had trusted their commander through thick and thin, through the tortuous years of the Trojan War and beyond. However, nothing could have prepared them for the terror they were about to endure on one ominous island that awaited the landing of their ships. Odysseus had already rescued his men from the perils of the lotus fruit and the narcotic apathy that it offered. Still coming down from the high of the intoxicating plant, the crew grumbled mightily. They argued that Odysseus should have left them to their peace and not dragged them back to sea. They were hungry and feeling mutinous. Odysseus, though not wanting to land on any of the nearby islands, was forced into a position where he had to make landfall or face the consequences of an increasingly unhappy crew. In the foggy blue of the Aegean Sea, a rocky island appeared slowly from the mist. Odysseus and a small company of his men set out to explore the island, searching for food and supplies.

Not long after setting foot on the mountainous island, one of the men spotted what appeared to be a herd of sheep moving across a rocky outcropping. The men ran after this wandering meal with the fervor brought on by intense hunger. Unfortunately for Odysseus, something else watched his men from the shadows of a high cave, waiting with an even more insatiable appetite for the meal that was running his way.

The Greeks pursued the sheep up the rocky clefts in the mountain until they came to a great cave. Hearing the bleating of the sheep from within the vast cavern, the men cautiously entered. As their eyes adjusted to the gloom and darkness, they saw a fire pit with great spits that roasted several goats. The aroma drifting from the open pit was too much for the men to take! They sprinted inside the cave and began stuffing their mouths with the succulent meat and sizzling fat. The feeling that they were but mice in a horrible trap, however, plagued Odysseus.

Without warning, an enormous stone was rolled in front of the entrance to the cave, plunging the Greeks into thick darkness. Only the fire pit cast an orange glow on the walls of the cave, making shadows dance like fearful demons. Then from the darkness emerged a sight so abhorrent and terrible that it reduced the brave Hellenic fighters to yelping children. A huge, monstrous, humanlike figure with gleaming teeth and one huge eye in the middle of its forehead stepped into the center of the cave. A massive hand reached down and lifted two of the sailors into the air with ease and stuffed them into the giant’s crushing mouth. The screaming men were eaten alive, bones and all! Growling and snarling, the monster reveled in the sheer ter ror he generated. The rest of the crew cowered in utter fear before the giant Cyclops.

Odysseus, his nimble mind always scheming, decided to entreat the monster. He called out to the Cyclops, drawing the fearsome giant into a conversation. Odysseus asked for the monster’s name. The Cyclops responded that his name was Polyphemus, and said that he and his brothers owned this island that the Greeks had stumbled upon. At that moment, he reached down and laid hold of another terrified sailor.

Determined not to lose any more of his men to this colossal horror, Odysseus intervened. Bernard Evslin provides an admirable paraphrase of this intercession in The Adventures of Ulysses. “Wait!” he cried. “Why?” asked the Cyclops. “Well,” the king responded, “that man you are about to eat was raised on olives and has an oily taste. You will not enjoy him without the taste of wine.” Confused, Polyphemus retorted that he was not familiar with “wine.” Odysseus continued, “Wine! It is the drink of the gods. Here, it is my gift to you.” With that, Odysseus handed the giant a substantial flask of the cordial. As the giant drank the wine, he asked Odysseus for his name. The clever king of Ithaca responded, “My name . . . is nobody.” “Well Nobody, “replied Polyphemus. “I like you. Therefore, I will eat you last.” As the Cyclops imbibed more and more wine, he became sleepier and sleepier, until finally the great body collapsed upon the cave floor and the sounds of mighty snoring ensued.

Odysseus commanded his sniveling men to go to either side of the giant’s mighty head. The king set the blade of his sword in the embers of the fire until it turned red hot. He then ordered his men to hold tightly to the huge ears of the sleeping giant to steady his head. With one powerful move, Odysseus plunged the glowing blade deep into the Cyclops lone eye! Awakened by the blow, Polyphemus wailed and thrashed about in agony. The Greeks hid among the sheep of the cave in a desperate attempt to avoid the reach of the now blinded monster. As suddenly as the wailing and groaning of the Cyclops began, it stopped, leaving the cave in deafening silence. The Greeks, hidden among the sheep, held their breath, as the giant listened quietly for the sounds that might lead him to the men who had left him so impaired.

Hearing only the bleating of the sheep, Polyphemus rolled the huge boulder away from the cave entrance, knowing that the sheep would instinctively exit the cave, leaving behind the men for whom his great wrath was now burning ferociously. Understanding the giant’s plan, Odysseus quietly ordered his men to cling to the bellies of the sheep as they left the cave, allowing them to flee undetected from the presence of the Cyclops. Looking back as he ran to freedom, Odysseus noticed several other tremendous figures converging on the cave, obviously the other Cyclopes, drawn by the bellowing of their wounded brother. “Who did it?” the other giants roared. “Who has blinded you?” Still in considerable agony, Polyphemus replied, “Nobody has blinded me!” “So you have done it yourself?” the others said. “What a terrible accident!”

Rethinking Giants

No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.—Edmund Burke

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.—Bertrand Russell

I’ve grown certain that the root of all fear is that we’ve been forced to deny who we are.—Frances Moore Lappe

Most adolescents have experienced or are currently struggling with the problem of bullying. Bullying is when someone performs certain actions or says certain things to harass or exert power over another. It is about the domination of other souls. Schoolyard bullying has plagued every generation, and most adults have traditionally viewed it as a right of passage, telling the young to simply ignore the bully and he will eventually go away. But bullying can leave scars on hearts that last a lifetime. Over the next few weeks, this blog will address the issue of bullying by exploring Odysseus’s encounter with the horrific Cyclops.