Rethinking Perceptions

Monday morning I awoke with a pit in my stomach. I hadn't slept well at all the night before. You see, as a public school teacher I am a part of a union and our contract negotiations haven't been going well. Monday morning began the first day of a strike called by our association Tuesday of last week. I'd never done this before.

Driving to the district school where I was scheduled to picket, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind. We were told that a group of counter-demonstrators were going to be protesting against us across the street. I envisioned rotten tomatoes flying in our general direction, but when I arrived on location, I found it to be a completely different experience.

Parents of children we taught in school had made us all sorts of snacks to get us through the long day ahead. There was even a group of parents and students who made signs and cheered for us. I can't describe how valued that made me feel! People drove by honking and giving us the thumbs up sign. Occasionally, we received other signs as well. It's interesting to see that when you find yourself in a situation like that how vulnerable you feel. There I was with a sign walking alongside a busy street. I felt like a sitting duck.

As a teacher who is dedicated to his students, I really struggled with the concept of a strike. I thought about what it would do to the parents who now had to make other arrangements for their children. I don't want my students to be out of school. I want to be able to teach them and help them grow into the men and women that they were born to be. But, as I considered the issue before me carefully, I came to the conclusion that I had an opportunity to teach them a powerful lesson indeed, by example. There are times in one's life that require you to stand up for yourself and for what you are worth. This is the lesson that I hope I can teach my students outside the classroom.

The kindnesses and the insults we received that first day were all magnified a hundredfold. Occasionally, people driving past would shout out the window, "Get back to work you lazy @#$@s!" or "greedy teachers!" It was then that I was struck with the realization that they had no idea who we were. The people they had yelled at were my colleagues and friends. These were good, hardworking, professional people, who never deserved to hear insults like that.

It made me think. How many times in my own life had I judged other people and their actions without really taking the time to get to know them, or to hear their story? How often have I said unkind words out of ignorance? Too often. It also made me realize that even the smallest acts of kindness, like a smile or a thumbs up can mean a world of difference to those who are facing challenging and extraordinary circumstances.

It's Thursday, early, early morning and the strike goes on. I'm on a journey, being taught as I go, guided as if by an Unseen Hand.

Here are some photos from the day.

Rethinking Relationship II

You teach people how to treat you. Treat yourself with respect and others will tend to do the same. If you devalue yourself, others will as well. If a person feels that he needs another person, it is probably a signal that he is not ready for a relationship. He most likely has some heart issues to deal with first.

The gods sent their messenger from Mount Olympus to talk sense into Calypso and get her to free the despairing Odysseus. We adult leaders will sometimes have to intervene in an unhealthy adolescent relationship. Remember that it is important to continually invest in your own relationships with students so that when the time comes to engage their story in a meaningful way, your advice and guidance will be taken to heart and not summarily dismissed.

Mythic Connections

You might find yourself in a position to specifically address this topic with young adults. If so, you may want to have the students read selections from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the story of Calypso’s island from The Odyssey, or the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus. Some video choices could include any of the film adaptations of Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story, Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo’s Fire, Can’t Buy Me Love, or The Odyssey.

Discussion Questions
• Which character in this story do you identify with most? Why?
• How were the relationships in this story destructive or unhealthy?
• What changes could have been made to improve the relationship?
• Did the characters in these stories truly love each other, or were they together for other reasons, such as fear of being alone, wanting popularity, and so forth?
• Have you ever been in a relationship that was like the relationships in this story? How was it similar?
• Are you in an unhealthy relationship now? If so, what are you going to do about it?

Rethinking Relationship

Be intentional about building relationships with students. The last thing a student wants is unsolicited advice or assistance from an adult who has never bothered to get to know them. Adult relationships typically evolve over a period of time and require quite a few conversations and shared experiences before there is a willingness to be vulnerable and open. Adolescents are somewhat different in this respect. It is possible to build fairly strong relationships in a relatively short period of time.

Get to know their hobbies, their interests, and the people with whom they spend time. Ask questions about their lives. Bring up a topic they enjoy discussing: themselves! Once they begin to trust you and understand that you are genuinely concerned about them as people, they will usually be willing to listen to advice you have to offer. It is easy to connect with students who are naturally outgoing and popular; challenge yourself by trying to engage those who are quiet, defensive, or intimidating. Those on the fringe desperately need you to be a part of their lives.

Rethinking "Love"

Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to
love—and to put its trust in life. — Joseph Conrad

You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her. — Anonymous

Teens today have been wounded in a variety of ways. They are hurting. Outwardly, things may seem fine, but below the waters, there is a immense private suffering. Look at our society. What is put forth as the solution to our problems and our pain? It's romantic love, isn't it? Watch a few TV shows. The shows aimed at young people portray the main character trying to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. No doubt, it can be entertaining, but it won’t make things right in the world. Commercials communicate the same message. “Wear this deodorant and you’ll have to fight the girls off!” “Try this shampoo and the boys will flock to your side!” There are so many messages in our culture that sear the idea into the minds of adolescents that if you find the right person, it will make everything all right.

It makes sense then that when students search for answers to life’s heavy questions, they take their quest to the opposite sex. How many girls at the school lunch table have conversations that focus on boys? Quite a few! Do adolescent boys feel pressure to have sex with a girl? Absolutely! There are a great many unhealthy relationships in our secondary schools today. Why? Because students are looking for the answers they seek and the healing for their soul-wounds in the opposite sex, with little or no guidance from parents or teachers. Odysseus came upon such a dilemma when he encountered the beautiful sea nymph Calypso.

Rethinking the Past

There is a craving deep inside each of us to understand where we came from. If we know the story of our heritage, our roots, then recognizing our own place in the world will be a little easier. Just as Telemachus sought out the truth about his father, so do today’s adolescents long to know the story of their families. Too many families in our day and age have no real connection to their pasts. Moving from city to city, state to state, and even country to country, more students are feeling the sense of being disconnected with their traditions and heritage.

A few years ago, I assigned my students a family history project. I was amazed at how motivated these adolescents were when it came to studying the story of their families. There were some who managed to reconstruct their own family history, based on conversations with older relatives. This is an superb way to connect the vigor of the young with the wisdom and experience of the elderly!

Students sat and listened to the stories of their grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles. This helped many of the students to see themselves as a part of a continuum, an important piece of something much larger than themselves. The students were further instructed that they were to design their own family crest, a medieval shield bearing symbols, colors, or pictures of positive character traits that were important to their family. This was something concrete that they could take with them as a reminder of where they came from and the solid traditions that were a crucial part of their heritage. Even in the most dysfunctional families, we were able to draw out that which was good and worth passing on.

Rethinking Identity

If you don’t have a solid sense of who you are and where you come from, you will be more vulnerable to the pressures of fitting into one particular group or another. Do you know any adults who still have not discovered their place in the world? Do they still fall prey to the pressures of “grown-up” social groups? Do you know any adults who pressure their children to be popular or to participate in a certain activity due to their own insecurities and lack of identity?

Go to a youth sporting event and simply observe the parents in the stands. How many of them are trying to find validation? How many are searching for some sort of idea about who they are through their children’s success, or by refusing to allow them to fail? How many news reports have we heard about parents who start fights in the stands and act in an outrageous manner toward coaches in such situations?

We can help the students in our sphere of influence move beyond the fear of nonconformity and onto the path of discovering what is true and noble about their heritage. If this battle for the self can be faced and overcome in adolescence, then a healthy transition into adulthood can begin.