Rethinking the Lotus IV

Claire was by all measures a very attractive high school senior. Her long brown hair and striking green eyes turned the heads of all the boys as she walked through the cafeteria each day. She was involved in varsity sports and was the captain of the cheerleading squad. Early in the year, she was elected vice president of the student council.

Because Claire held down an after-school job as a waitress that enabled her to purchase her own car, she was able to drive herself to her various afterschool commitments. Since her mother was actively involved in her own social life, she failed to notice that Claire had less and less time to spare and that her schedule was increasingly tight. After cheerleading practice, Claire would drive herself to the restaurant where she worked, and she would wait tables for more than four hours. Because she was friendly and popular, she found herself accepting leadership positions in the Spanish club and the National Honors Society. If there was an activity, Claire was actively involved in it.

Five years earlier, when Claire was in seventh grade, her mother’s boyfriend, who was living with them at the time, sexually abused her over a period of several weeks. She never told anybody about the incident, and when her mother finally ended the relationship, Claire convinced herself that it was in the past and to be forgotten. Deep down, however, she felt dirty, used, and alone.

What would drive a girl like Claire into unrelenting busyness and activity? How did busyness anesthetize her hurt and sense of shame? What did she get from this endless array of activities? For starters, she derived a sense of belonging, a sense that she wasn’t alone. She was essentially running from her fear of being alone, for she had been alone in the house when horrible things
had happened to her before. A young part of her soul feared that if she were alone, it would happen all over again. She made a vow never to allow herself to be in that situation again, so she surrounded herself with activity and people.

Another lotus-like effect this whirlwind of activity had was to offer her a sense of approval. She loved feeling that others respected her and viewed her as a beautiful person. Who wouldn’t? Those are not bad things in and of themselves, but when they are being used to anesthetize a wound that is festering below the surface, they can lead to greater problems down the road. The good can become the enemy of the best.

Rethinking Doors

When you follow your bliss...doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else. - Joseph Campbell

Whenever we have something set upon our heart to do, we feel a rush of excitement. We feel refreshed, "At last, this is the thing I was meant to do!" But, the voices of doubt slowly creep in. "This is too big for me." "I couldn't possibly do something like this." "Nobody would want to listen to what I have to say." "What would others think?" Whatever the voices say, remember that the enemy would love to shred your dreams and visions before they can even take root. What is in your heart is a threat to him.

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid! - Goethe

When you listen to what has been placed in your heart, you are listening to the voice of God, for that is where God speaks to us. When you follow your dreams, you will find you have a powerful Ally. So doors will open before us and paths will be made clear before us where we never thought possible. Your dreams and desires will meet resistance, but that only helps you see beyond to the enemy that attacks what he most fears. Keep looking for the open doors.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. - Harold Whitman

Rethinking Manuel

This combination that we have observed in our timeless stories is a key to helping young people today establish a sense of identity. How do we, as adults, become Menelaus, Obi-Wan, Mr. Miyagi, Aslan, or Athena for the students in our lives? It is different in every situation, because every adolescent is unique, but let’s take a look at some examples.

The Story of Manuel

Manuel, a thirteen-year-old student, moved into the school district from Los Angeles halfway through the year. He was somewhat flippant about school rules, and as the year progressed, he found himself in trouble more often than not. Manuel was in and out of detention and eventually was suspended from school for a period of time. His home life was chaotic. His father had walked out on the family when he was very young, and he and his mother had lived with one relative after another over a period of several years. Furthermore, being Latino in a predominately white, suburban school wasn’t easy.

His math teacher, Mr. Alfhild, noticed that Manuel was really struggling in this new environment. As a teacher, what could he do? How could he intervene in a situation that didn’t develop overnight any more than it could be “solved” overnight? It had to start with Manuel. The boy had no idea of his place in the world. Who was he? He was well acquainted with what the disparaging voices of the enemy had been shouting at him most of his life: “You are a troublemaker! You have no home. You can’t be trusted!” But who was he really? Helping Manuel build a positive sense of identity was the key. Mr. Alfhild had to follow the archetype that the great storytellers had been whispering throughout the millennia.

One day they happened to have a few moments to chat—more accurately, Mr. Alfhild, like Athena, arranged for the encounter. When Manuel walked into the math classroom, Mr. Alfhild knew by the look on his face that Manuel thought he had done something wrong. He asked him to sit down. Manuel looked nervous. What happened next was a complete surprise. Mr. Alfhild told Manuel that he had been observing him for quite a while now and had noticed that he possessed many good qualities. Manuel appeared somewhat shocked that Mr. Alfhild had not brought him in to yell at him or confront him about this problem or that. Instead, Mr. Alfhild had asked Manuel to meet so that he could pay him a compliment!

It is so important that we look for the positive things in a young person’s life. If we search for the negative, we are sure to find it. Isn’t that true about your own life as well? This can really be a challenge! We are so conditioned to seek the negative that we can completely overlook the positive in other people. Students especially need to hear us affirm the good in their lives. It is important to look beyond what a young person is right now, at this present moment, and instead see what they could become. The children look up to us and respect what we as adult leaders have to say (despite messages they may convey to the contrary). We carry an authority that comes with our position. Use it wisely!

After reinforcing Manuel’s good qualities and the potential Mr. Alfhild saw in him, he thought about the second piece to the mythical model, bequeathing a gift. What could a teacher give to him? Well, let’s see. Menelaus gave Telemachus a silver bowl, crafted by the gods themselves. No . . . what would Manuel do with a silver bowl? Obi-Wan entrusted Luke with his father’s light saber. Seriously, what would a thirteen-year-old boy do with a Jedi’s weapon? Probably have the time of his life! Mr. Miyagi bequeathed his classic yellow car to Daniel LaRusso. But Manuel was thirteen, not sixteen, and what teacher can just go around giving away cars? No, this had to be something different. What Mr. Alfhild ended up giving Manuel was a job. Manuel would now be Mr. Alfhild’s official office runner. If he had some important memo to send to the office, he would carefully seal it in an envelope and hand it over to Manuel for safe delivery.

To an adult, this duty might have seemed like a chore. However, looking at this new role through the eyes of a middle school student is a completely different experience. What had Mr. Alfhild really given to Manuel? On the surface, a job, but remember that the gift is always a concrete demonstration of something deeper. He was giving him his trust, something no one had offered him before. Mr. Alfhild was expressing with that gift the idea that Manuel was trustworthy. He was good. He was now an “office runner,” someone to be trusted, not just a troublemaker. He had a position and a title. As Manuel began to live up to the gift that was given to him, Mr. Alfhild could tell that there were subtle changes in his demeanor. He became friendlier with other teachers in the building, and because of that, other teachers began treating him in the same manner. We teach people how to treat us, and that’s just what Manuel began to learn. At the end of the year, Mr. Alfhild gave him a certificate as an award for being an excellent office runner. It was well deserved!

Rethinking Gifts IV

In the 1984 movie The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi repairs Daniel LaRusso’s bicycle after a brutal assault on Daniel by a gang of bullies, letting him know that he matters. He then goes on to teach him the dangerous art of karate, letting him know that he trusts him to use it in a way that will not seek to harm others. The final gift he then presents Daniel blows him away! Mr. Miyagi handed him the keys to a beautiful yellow, classic car on his sixteenth birthday. This demonstrates that the older Miyagi has respect for and trusts the younger LaRusso to handle the responsibility wisely. Miyagi quietly but firmly delivers blows to the enemy who would crush his young pupil's heart.

Rethinking the Enemy IV

Left to their own devices, students often cannot see the good in themselves or in their families. Sometimes there is a tendency to focus on the negative. Students, when challenged, will often declare what they are not, instead of responding with who they are. Isn’t there a little bit of that in all of us? When a daunting challenge comes our way, do we meet it eagerly, with the anticipation of being able to use our gifts and talents to overcome the obstacle? Or do we start to doubt our abilities and say things like, “I don’t have the strength for this” or “I just can’t do it”? This has probably been the norm since you were young. See how the enemy starts its assault early in a person’s life?