Rethinking Life

Rethinking Cortez the Killer

2011-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been listening to a song by Neil Young called "Cortez the Killer." I've always loved the song. Sometimes I come back to a song and listen to it over and over. When that happens, I know there's something there that I need to pay attention to.

Historically speaking, the song is very inaccurate. Neil Young tells the story of Hernan Cortez and his exploits in the New World. Let's look at the lyrics and see what unfolds...

He came dancing across the water
With his galleons and guns
Looking for the new world
In that palace in the sun.

On the shore lay montezuma
With his coca leaves and pearls
In his halls he often wondered
With the secrets of the worlds.

And his subjects gathered ’round him
Like the leaves around a tree
In their clothes of many colors
For the angry gods to see.

And the women all were beautiful
And the men stood straight and strong
They offered life in sacrifice
So that others could go on.

Hate was just a legend
And war was never known
The people worked together
And they lifted many stones.

They carried them to the flatlands
And they died along the way
But they built up with their bare hands
What we still can’t do today.

Ok...let's try to unpack this. When Cortez arrived in the New World, the Aztecs were very much the dominant civilization in Mexico. However, the historian in me cries foul when the song goes on to say that "hate was just a legend" and "war was never known." The Aztecs were imperialists. They conquered many civilizations and tribes throughout Mesoamerica. Their practice of human sacrifice was horrific and brutal. During the Aztec reign, thousands died upon the spectacular heights of blood-stained pyramids.

There, I've had my say. My inner historian has been satisfied. However, I'm starting to think that Neil Young may have been talking about something else, something wearing an Aztec guise. I think he may have been lamenting the loss of paradise.

There's something inside us all that has this vague sense that things are not as they are supposed to be, isn't there? It's hard to put your finger on though. It's not as if I can look back on my life and say there was a time when everything was perfect (i.e. hate was just a legend, war was never known). I'm guessing you can't either.

When I see a friend struggling because a loved one was just diagnosed with a terminal disease or when I watch someone's marriage self-destruct, I think to myself, this isn't supposed to turn out like this. When I see a fellow human being who has obviously been living on the streets, unwashed, and babbling incoherently, a part of me cries out...how far we have fallen from our previous glory! When I see a childhood stolen by parental neglect or alcohol, my heart breaks. Things are not they way they should be!

How do we know that...deep down?

And I know she’s living there
And she loves me to this day
I still can’t remember when
Or how I lost my way.

Something at least to wrestle with this holiday season.

He came dancing across the water
Cortez, cortez
What a killer.

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. - Genesis 3:4
What a killer.

You can listen to Cortez the Killer here. I'd like to hear your thoughts or comments.

Rethinking Photons

2011-07-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

Things can't be in two places at once. Right? Well, quantum physicists are saying that on an unbelievably small scale that might not be true. You see...I've been hooked on a fantastic series on the Science Channel called Through the Wormhole narrated by Morgan Freeman. I'd highly recommend setting your DVR to record the show. It will open your eyes and your mind to possibilities that are both amazing and unsettling.

Recently, I watched an episode of Through the Wormhole that described an experiment involving photons. For those of you who are not followers of Stephen Hawking, light is made up of both particles and waves. Photons are individual particles of light. The experiment demonstrated was known as the "double slit experiment." An individual photon was fired at two slits in a screen to see which slit it would "choose" to pass through. Being one particle, it can only go through one slit or the other...right? Not so fast.
Somehow the single photon particle passes through BOTH slits at the SAME TIME! How is this possible? What's even more baffling is that when we attempt to set up monitors to detect how this is happening...it stops happening! The photon, when being watched, will behave itself and only go through one slit. This almost reminds one of a mischievous child who does what is expected only when an adult is watching. Wow! Reality is much more mysterious than we can imagine. It almost seems playful, doesn't it?

It is interesting that the double slit experiment demonstrates what I can only describe as the "playfulness" of a particle of light (if I may anthropomorphize a photon). Symbolically, in myth and story, light has always been identified with playfulness and spontaneity. The Swedes referred to a spot of reflected light that seemed to dance across a room as a "sun cat." If you have a cat, as I do, you'll understand how playful the feline species can be! When one watches light reflecting off a pool of water to dance upon the surrounding walls can catch a bit of the photonic joy.

There is a term for this behavior. The word "mercurial" describes someone who is ingenious, playful, unpredictable, or thievish. The word is associated with the god Mercury (the Greek Hermes) and the planet closest to the Sun (light). It is interesting that in the Book of Genesis, the first words attributed to God are "Let there be light." Light is fundamental it seems to creation, to the Cosmos.

Some scientists will probably admit that they feel as if they are being "played with" when conducting the double slit experiment. Matter (a light particle) by itself cannot be described as playful. The term really is only appropriate to describe a personality. This begs the question, who is playing with the scientists?

As I reflect upon what I've learned, I'm encouraged by the idea that at the core of reality, as exhibited by particles of light, there is a playfulness, a joy, a Personality. It's strange, but I see this when I come to a stop light and it seems to take forever to change to green. The moment I take out my "smart" phone to make good use of the down time to check an email or send a text, the light changes almost immediately. I've got to smile. I'm being played. It seems like a sense of humor may exist at the core of all things too...and it's good.

Watch a video about the double slit experiment below!

Rethinking Those Who Wander

2009-04-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

This weekend we had the opportunity to visit our nation's capital, Washington D.C. What an incredible trip! We saw the Washington Monument, a memorial to George Washington, the first president of the United States. The monument style, known as an obelisk, goes back to the ancient world. To the Egyptians, it represented the intimate and mystical union between the Earth (Geb) and Sky (Nut). Later, the Freemasons adoped the symbol for their own use. It can still be seen marking Masonic tombs around the world.

Yesterday, however, we took somewhat of a detour. We traveled by ferry to the town of Alexandria, Virginia, a town that was surveyed by the then seventeen year old George Washington. There were quaint, little, shops by the dozen scattered throughout the town. Tourism had obviously become quite a boon for the local community.

As we walked, I noticed a street performer. Having just visited Washington, D.C., seeing a street performer was not all that unusual. My initial thought was, wow, what a hard way to make just a little bit of money. Another hard luck case. However, as I looked at this man's face, it seemed different. He played his guitar with a passion, that caused me to stop in my tracks. The joy that radiated from his face was contagious. He looked right at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. He played a song I remembered from my childhood, from the band "America." He sang powerfully, "O, Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn't, didn't already have."

It made me think... What did Oz give to the Tin Man that he already had? Oh that's right...his heart. I think this man of the street gave me a little bit of my heart back yesterday. As I turned to leave, I looked back once more. I saw a sticker on his guitar case that read,

"Not all who wander are lost."

How true.

Rethinking Fresh Air

2009-01-29T19:27:00.000-08:00

The Fresh Air Fund, an organization dedicated to bringing urban kids into a direct experience with the great outdoors, is looking for counselors for its summer program. Take a moment and consider supporting this worthy endeavor.

Learn more.

I've learned that taking some time out of our busy schedules to bring joy to another ends up being worth whatever sacrifices we make to see it happen.

Rethinking the Story

2008-12-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

My sons and I just finished setting out "reindeer food" for Rudolph and his eight compadres, when I happened to look up at the night sky. The rain had stopped, leaving a clear, cloudless sky full of stars. Beautiful...

Let's switch gears for a moment. Why do we celebrate Christmas? What is its purpose? As most would probably acknowledge, it commemorates the birth of Jesus Christ. Was Jesus born on Christmas Day? The answer is unequivocally no. The ancient scriptures point to a date closer to early Spring.

Why then was December 25th selected as the day to mark the birth of the Christ? Here's why...

Since the Autumnal or Fall Equinox, the days have been getting shorter and shorter. December 21st, the Winter Solstice, marks the darkest day of the year. The days remain in that darkness for approximately three more days. Then, on December 25th, the sun moves one degree higher, heralding the lengthening of the days. So in a very real and a very symbolic sense, light is being born into a world of darkness.

Think about it for a moment. What better day to choose?

Let me go back to the reindeer food. When I looked up at the night sky, I immediately noticed the three star belt of the constellation Orion. Actually, the three pyramids at Giza in Egypt are patterned after the three stars! The Great Pyramid of Khufu, the pyramids of his son Khafre, and his grandson Menkaure, are aligned to match the three stars with incredible precision.

Thus, the three stars are sometimes referred to as the "Three Kings." On December 24th, Christmas Eve, the "Three Kings" line up with a star low in the sky called Sirius. It is the brightest star in the night sky this time of year.

Follow me now, the "Three Kings" follow the "star in the east" or Sirius. They line up and point to...

The place where the sun rises on December 25th.

The birth of light into this dark world. What a powerful image to be woven into the heavens!

So as I clean up the reindeer food and tuck my sons into bed, I'm reminded that we are a part of a much bigger story than any of us realize.

Good night. Oh...and Merry Christmas!

Rethinking the Natural World

2008-12-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

A recent survey apparently showed that children in our modern society are beginning to "lose touch with the natural world." It seems that very few young people were able to identify even common animals. Only two out of three children ages 9-11 were able to identify a frog. How did this happen???

Sometimes we lose the things that are truly precious...slowly. We get busy. We get distracted with the cares of this world. We gradually exchange the things that are magnificent and magical for the things that are profitable and practical.

Remember, this is the season of Hope. There is a great program available to the youth of New York City called the Fresh Air Fund. The Fresh Air Fund provides the opportunity for inner city students to experience the great outdoors. What a gift!

Watch the video below. If a picture says a thousand words, then a video should say about a million! Please consider supporting this effort to broaden the horizons of our nation's most valuable natural resource...our kids.

Rethinking Treasure Hunts

2008-07-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

Last week, my family and I went to Amelia Island, Florida for a relaxing vacation. The days were spent floating in the soothing waves of the Atlantic, collecting shells along the beach, swimming in the resort pools, and hunting for treasure. Hunting for treasure? Yes...treasure hunting!

We went out to walk along the shore during the final night of our vacation. I had told the boys earlier in the day that Pirates sometimes come out at night to bury their gold! Being five and three, they were ecstatic! What the boys didn't know was that I had buried several piles of "pirate coins" along the way...each marked with an "X." When the boys saw an X with their flashlights, they would scream with excitement and run to dig up the treasure. You would have thought they won the lottery! Watching the joy they were experiencing filled me with that sense of wonder that I thought I had lost all those years ago. That night the boys fell asleep on a pullout bed with dreams of pirate treasure and the waves of the sea floating through their innocent minds.

As we grow older, the mystery and excitement of life seems to fade, doesn't it? An "X" in the sand of the shore is simply...a letter. The joy we once felt at the discovery of something new is swept away by the cares of this world. Sometimes I wonder if we as adults have it all wrong. Maybe my sons are the ones who have figured out the secret to life. What do you think?

Rethinking Coldplay II

2008-07-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends. - Coldplay

I couldn't have said it better myself...

Does anybody have any thoughts on these lyrics from "Death and All of His Friends?"

Rethinking Coldplay

2008-06-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

I finally picked up a copy of the new Coldplay CD, Viva La Vida. I've always enjoyed the way Coldplay starts a song slow and mellow and then allows it to rise to a powerful and emotional crescendo. I tend to find one or two songs on an album that really speak to me and listen to them over and over again. The lyrics to the song Viva La Vida have been drawing my attention lately. It's a good idea to pay attention to the things you pay attention to. The lyrics are below...

I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemies eyes Listen as the crowd would sing: "Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

When things are going well in our lives, we feel like we are on top of the world. We feel invincible. But, when adversity rears its ugly head, we suddenly feel helpless. The earth quakes beneath our feet.

One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

"My castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand." Adversity makes us look beneath our "castles" to see what under girds them. What are the castles in your life? Your career? Your looks? What are the things that define who you are? Are they what is most true about you?

I'll write more about this song later...it's getting late.

Rethinking Challenges II

2008-06-21T11:20:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I have been participating in the National Advisory Board for O2Max Fitness, an organization in Santa Monica, CA, that is dedicated to promoting healthy lifestyles among teens in the area and around the country. This summer, O2Max Fitness will be offering opportunities for teens to get into shape over the summer, including:

Six-week summer fitness camp for teens
Beat the Freshman Fifteen program
Sunday workouts in the park
Pre-season high school sports program

Remember, your mind, spirit, AND body are integral parts of who you are. We need to be mindful of each part of the whole. Don't miss these great offerings! Even if you don't live in the Santa Monica area, you can still participate in O2Max Fitness online.

Rethinking Paths

2008-06-12T20:12:00.001-07:00

Yes there are two paths you can go by... - Led Zeppelin

The more I think about it, the more I realize that our every thought, word, and action brings us one step further down a road that leads to either life...or destruction. Do your thoughts dwell on the negative? Are you consumed with worry or fear? Anger perhaps? Those are all normal emotions depending upon various life circumstances, so look at patterns in your thought life over a period of time. Are your thoughts leading to life or to destruction?

But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart... - Matthew 15:18

Pay attention to the words you speak. Do they encourage others or do they spread doubt and fear? Do your words bring people together or do they sow division?

What do your actions tell you about the road you're on? Are your actions destructive? Take a moment to reflect upon what you do. Play your actions out over the course of time. Will they lead to blessing and life or will they lead to death? So often we cruise through life without ever considering where we are headed. There is hope in all of this though. It's not too late.

...but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on - Led Zeppelin

Rethinking the Abyss

2008-04-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. - Joseph Campbell

This quote has been on my mind as of late. We all have an abyss of sorts, don't we? Some dark place that we know exists, but we fear going down there. Could it be that our darkest abyss is in fact a doorway that opens to a world we were made for?

We tend to view our abyss as our destruction, but in reality, it may lead to our salvation. What do you think?

Rethinking Pets

2008-03-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

Perry Farrell, the former lead singer of Jane's Addiction, wrote a song years ago entitled "Pets." I happened to hear it again on XM radio the other day. The song itself pokes fun at our seeming inability to manage our lives, as well as our knack for destroying ourselves and our world. Some of the lyrics are explicit (inappropriate lines have been omitted), but the key lines are shown below:

will there be another race to come along and take over for us?
maybe martians could do better than we've done
we'll make great pets!
my friend says we're like the dinosaurs only we are doing ourselves in much faster than they ever did
we'll make great pets!

I know the song was meant in jest, but it got me thinking...(which is sometimes a dangerous thing :) What are some characteristics of a pet? Do you think we would "make great pets?" It sounds like a strange question, but stay with it. It may reveal some important insights about what it means to be human.

Rethinking Challenges

2008-03-04T17:12:00.000-08:00

As human beings, we are made up of body, mind, and spirit. Sometimes we devote our energy and time to building our minds, but neglect our bodies. Often, we exercise the body, but forget the mind and spirit. To be whole, we need to care for all three areas of our existence. O2 Max Fitness, an organization I support in Santa Monica, California, is doing some great things to encourage teens to take a more active role in their own health and fitness.

O2 Max Fitness will be sponsoring "O2 MAX PROM /SUMMER SHAPE-UP CHALLENGE: A 3-month fitness challenge designed to get teens looking and feeling great just in time for Prom and Summer season." Plus, you'll have the chance to win some terrific prizes for prom. And the best part is that you don't have to live in Santa Monica to enter - all you have to do is go to their Web site, enter "The Challenge," then download the workouts each week and blog about your progress on the O2 MAX site. You can find more information about The Challenge on their website at
www.O2MAXfitness.com.

Rethinking Prince Harry

2008-02-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man. - Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces

This afternoon, news broke on the Drudge Report that Prince Harry has been serving with British troops in Afghanistan, and has even taken part in gun battles (photos). The young prince is third in line to the throne of the English monarchy. I remember reading news stories about his intention to serve in Iraq, and the ultimate decision to keep him out of combat due to fears that al Qaeda or an insurgent group would attempt to kill or kidnap the prince. Why would someone with so much to lose enlist in the fight against a deadly and ruthless foe? The answer has its roots deep in the masculine soul...

To some of my female readers, this may seem like machismo, but there is a ferocity, a wildness, and need for battle that surges just beneath the surface of man's outer life. In our modern, civilized world, men tend to feel, well...tame. If you have ever watched a tiger pacing back in forth in a cage at a zoo, you'll get a tiny inkling of what many men feel on a daily basis. There is a boredom that comes from feeling trapped in the machine of the average life. They wake up in the morning, go to work, manage accounts, try to keep the peace in their families, and after watching the news, fall asleep and dream about adventure.

Every man (and woman) experiences a call to adventure, to set out on a journey that will test our beliefs and our limits. Whether we accept the call or bury our hearts in the monotony of busyness makes all the difference in the world. Prince Harry has embarked on his own Hero's Journey. It may cost him his life, which would devastate a family that has already suffered much grief. I ask you, though, what is the alternative to following your heart?

When you have a moment, read The Initiation of Perseus.

Rethinking Music

2008-02-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

Music is powerful...isn't it? It has the ability to stir our souls in ways few things can. Like story, music is another language of the heart. It conveys truth in a way that is once beautiful and powerful.

The New York Philharmonic recently had the opportunity to play in Pyongyang, North Korea. The communist North Korea, sometimes referred to as the "Hermit Nation," is one of the most closed societies on our planet. Inside this tiny country, the views toward the West range from suspicion to hostility. The video clip below shows American musicians playing alongside their North Korean counterparts in a wonderful display of harmony and grace.

Truth and beauty, carried along by music, can penetrate even the most closed system. What a powerful metaphor for what can happen in our own lives and hearts when we open up to the beauty that is all around us. Opening up is a risk, but one that can change things in ways you never dreamed possible!

Rethinking Starbucks

2008-02-25T12:21:00.001-08:00

Myth and symbol surround us. Echoes of the ancients still ring in our modern ears. The yearning for the spiritual and mystical is ingrained in our hearts, despite our immersion in the modern, secular, world. Let's look at an example...

Starbucks has been in the news quite a bit lately. Reported layoffs, financial woes, and temporary store closing Tuesday, have caused people to question this powerful Seattle coffee icon. The Starbucks logo is one of the most familiar corporate images anywhere in the world. What most coffee-drinkers don't know is that this mysterious female image depicted on the logo has its roots in the ancient past.

To better understand what we're talking about, it would be helpful to take a look at the evolution of the Starbucks logo over the years. Here is the current logo:

Here is the logo as it used to appear:

Here is the original logo pre-1987:

The image shown is that of a mythical mermaid-type creature, known as a melusine.

A melusine is a figure of European legends and folklore, a feminine spirit of fresh waters in sacred springs and rivers.

She is usually depicted as a woman who is a serpent or fish (much like a mermaid) from the waist down. She is also sometimes illustrated with wings, two tails or both, and sometimes referred to as a nixie (source: Wikipedia).

Here are some examples of the melusine from the past. If you look carefully, I'm sure you'll see the resemblence to the current Starbucks logo. The legend of the melusine was first told in 1394 in France. Take a moment and read the tale for yourself. Here is a collection of mermaid/melusine legends from across Europe, compiled by a University of Pittsburgh professor.

Myth and symbol are all around us...

Rethinking Eclipses II

2008-02-21T09:05:00.000-08:00

As I stood outside in the freezing cold winter night, staring up at the night sky, I came to a profound realization. Even though science clearly explains the cause of a lunar eclipse, it can never explain away the mystery and awe of experiencing one. Watching the moon slowly being overcome by the shadow of the Earth briefly reminded me of just how small we are. We go about our days, consumed with our worries and cares as if they were the center of the universe. I think it is good to be reminded that our little stories are a part of a much larger story. On a heart level, it gives us a different vantage point (if only for a moment) from which to view our existence.

View some fantastic photos of the lunar eclipse from around the world!

And still more...

Rethinking Antarctica

2008-02-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

Out of whose womb came the ice?, And the hoary frost of Heaven, who hath gathered it? The waters are hid as with a stone, and the face of the deep is frozen. - Job 38:29-30

It's been called a barren wasteland of ice and snow. The Antarctic explorer, Douglas Mawson, once wrote, "We had discovered an accursed country. We had found the Home of the Blizzard."

As with any story, however, things are not always as they seem...

Apparantly, scientists have discovered that beneath the waters of the frozen wasteland exists a wonderland of life. Amazing and mysterious new life forms have been found in the icy depths, including giant sea spiders and huge worms.

See a photo gallery of these amazing new animals!

Rethinking Eclipses

2008-02-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

Both lunar and solar eclipses were viewed in ancient times with a mixture of fear and superstition. The shadow of the Earth passing over the moon often gave an ancient viewer the impression that the moon was being swallowed or eaten by a great serpent. The ancients could predict eclipses, but had no real understanding of why they occurred. It was truly a time of mystery and magic.

Read an interesting article regarding the February 21st reappearance of a lunar eclipse that allegedly saved the life of Christopher Columbus over five hundred years ago.

The video below explains the science behind a lunar eclipse.

When can you see Wednesday's lunar eclipse? Click your time zone below:

Eclipse Diagram for AST (Atlantic Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for EST (Eastern Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for CST (Central Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for MST (Mountain Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for PST (Pacific Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for AST (Alaska Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for HST (Hawaiian Standard Time)
Eclipse Diagram for GMT (Greenwich Mean Time)
Eclipse Diagram for GMT +1 (Greenwich Mean Time + 1 Hour)
Eclipse Diagram for GMT +2 (Greenwich Mean Time + 2 Hours)

View a chart detailing lunar eclipses to come over the next few years.

Rethinking Apocalypto

2008-02-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to watching Apocalypto last night. As an ancient history teacher, I immediately noticed several historical inaccuracies, however, the story ultimately captured me. Looking at the story through the lens of myth and ritual masculine initiation, it was very powerful.

Jaguar Paw, the Mayan hero, is taken against his will from the wildness of his jungle home, by an invading horde, and sets out on a forced journey to be sacrificed. One by one, the men chosen for the ritual Mayan sacrifice are dragged through a corrupt and chaotic Yucatan city. They are marched to the top of the pyramid and their hearts are cut out and offered up to the Mayan gods.

Civilization does this to the masculine soul, doesn't it? It civilizes a man and in essence, rips his heart out. Just like Jaguar Paw, we need to risk the pain, the wounds, and death to flee the things in life that kill our hearts. His heart was in the deep forest, his heart was with his wife and sons. The journey revealed the true meaning of his name, Jaguar Paw. Though dead, he united with his father in spirit and became one with the wild. The symbols and story were very powerful and bore real substance.

Rethinking Chaos

2008-02-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

We plan and prepare, control and design, and still something goes wrong. Something ends up backwards. We plan a wonderful family outing, and then someone gets sick. A marathon runner paces his race perfectly, finds himself in a position to win, then slips and falls on the finish line. We invade a nation in order to free its people from the grip of tyranny, only to realize that they don't want us there. You arrange for a lovely, romantic evening for two, and then a bitter argument ensues. We try to bring a little bit of order to the chaos in our lives and the chaos always seems to break loose and we end up with an inverted night sky. What is going on here anyway? Could we be missing something? The answers may be all around us in plain sight.

Download a copy of Jay D'Ambrosio's new eBook for only $0.49 from Amazon.com.

Rethinking Book Signings

2008-01-31T19:36:00.001-08:00

Saturday, February 9th, 2008 I'll be doing a book signing and giving a brief talk at Barnes & Noble in Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania. The topic of my discussion will be making meaningful connections with adolescents through story.

You can purchase a copy of Rethinking Adolescence: Using Story to Navigate Life's Uncharted Years (Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2006) here.

Get directions to the Barnes & Noble in Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania.

Rethinking Unresolved Issues II

2008-01-27T12:11:00.000-08:00

Ajax went to his doom, his ire toward Odysseus unquenched and issues unresolved. Death appears indiscriminate at times, not caring whether a person has made peace with others in his or her life. Death takes those who are in harmony with others and also those who are not. A student might be angry with a person for dying. The goblins that can plague a teen who has experienced a death under these circumstances are known as Bitterness and Resentment.

This can be particularly difficult in cases of suicide or drug overdose—situations that could have been avoided. But whatever the circumstances, the question remains, Can the living make peace with the dead?

Rethinking Unresolved Issues

2008-01-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

As Odysseus encountered the ghosts of great and mighty figures throughout history, one stood out as aloof and bitter. It was the red and skeletal ghost of a former comrade at Troy, the powerful Ajax. This ghost scowled at Odysseus and cursed him. Following the death of Achilles, there had been a dispute among the Greek commanders as to who should rightfully inherit his armor. Ajax had laid claim to the armor, but Odysseus challenged him. The matter was settled, and Ajax was denied the armor of Achilles. In a furious rage, Ajax took his own life, knowing that he could never possess the raiment of the mighty Greek hero.

How does bitterness and resentment creep into our lives? What can we do about it?

Rethinking Life After Death

2008-01-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

Life Continues

As the ghosts in Hades presented themselves to Odysseus, one in particular stood out from the rest. It was his mother, Anticlea. There, in the land of the dead, Odysseus finally realized that he had been absent from his family’s life for nearly fifteen years. The grief gripped him in a powerful way. He inquired of his mother the condition of his home in Ithaca and of his wife and son. He had a strong desire to know how his father was faring and the manner of his mother’s death. As his mother relayed the news from home, the Greek king fell into agony, understanding that to his family he was thought dead and that he had missed out on much of life.

When we stop to visit the graves of the loved ones that have passed on before us, it is difficult not to consider the living we have done since their passing. Births, graduations, marriages, and other major life events come and go, with the deceased individual apparently missing it all. This can provoke very powerful feelings of sorrow in those who are still here. It is no different for adolescents who lose someone special.

A student who loses a beloved grandmother, for instance, might have a difficult time around holidays, knowing that life’s customs and traditions are taking place without her presence. Another, experiencing the death of a close friend, may struggle with feelings of grief or guilt after winning an important basketball game. A teen whose mother has died could experience serious emotional pain during her senior prom, knowing that her mother would have loved to see the color and style of her prom dress. The dragon that stalks all these students, constantly struggling with the things they know their loved one is missing, is known as Despair.

How can we work with students who are grieving because they have come to the realization that their lives are continuing without the presence of someone they loved? What can make a difference in their lives?

One of the most crucial things we can do is to pay attention to the student who has lost someone special. Watch their behavior and interaction with other students, especially around times of the year and during events that may have been significant to the one that died. Does the student seem sad or cry easily? Is he unusually irritable or angry toward his friends? Do you notice that he is quiet, almost trying to disappear? These can all be clues as to the inner conflicts of the heart.

If you should happen to become aware of such changes in behavior or attitude, address it as soon as possible. Be a listening ear if students are comfortable discussing their struggles with you. Sometimes simply talking about the feelings one is experiencing can be very cathartic.

Art therapy works well in grieving situations, as well. Try having a student draw the things they wish the person who died could have experienced. Writing a letter to the deceased, describing what they have missed, can be very freeing to the young person who is grieving. Letters or artwork can be placed at the gravesite or similar memorial. Be creative. Try to empathize with the adolescent—put yourself in their shoes. The dragon of Despair would want a young heart to wrestle with these issues alone and in isolation. This beast can be slain by affording students an opportunity to share their pain with others, thus ultimately freeing the spirit to begin living again.

Odysseus, still in Hades, met his old ally Achilles, the mightiest of the Greek warriors. The hero, now a resident of the underworld, asked Odysseus for news of his family and whether or not his name was still remembered in the lands of Greece. Odysseus could not supply him with this information, but he was able to tell the ghost the tale of his son, Neoptolemus, and his heroic endeavors on the field of battle. Upon hearing this news, the great Achilles swelled with pride and went off along a meadow, now at peace.

Rethinking Fears

2007-12-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

Fearing for Loved Ones

The mighty prophet Teiresias at last revealed himself to Odysseus and drank his fill of the spilled blood. The prophet provided his counsel, cautioning that Poseidon’s anger had yet to be assuaged. He predicted that Odysseus would lose the whole of his crew, along with his ship, to the terrors of the sea and would return alone to shores of Ithaca. There, Teiresias declared, he would realize that the men of Ithaca who wanted to marry his wife Penelope had overrun his home, devoured all sustenance, and abused his son. Hearing this declaration by the sightless oracle, Odysseus was awash with fear—the fear of losing those he held most dear to his heart.

Fear and Dread are the ogres that often haunt the steps of the adolescent who becomes brutally aware of the mortality of loved ones. Those who care about students such as these must learn to smite such foes. They are enemies who would attempt to ensnare a life that could be lived in freedom.

When disaster strikes someone close to us, it is natural to feel worried about others that we love. The sudden realization that all human beings are mortal can be very unnerving for a young person. Thoughts such as “Will my mother die?” or “Will my brother be hurt?” can cross an adolescent’s mind with startling frequency. A student affected by another’s death may appear to be fine on the outside, but inside they are often grieving. They are fearful of experiencing this type of loss again in perhaps an even more personal and devastating way.

If you suspect that a young person is struggling with fears such as this, it is helpful to arrange for a private meeting. There, in an environment of caring and confidentiality, the student can share what is really on his mind. Allow the student to share with little input from you. Simply listen. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a young person in this situation is to be a listening ear.

If she is reluctant to divulge her thoughts concerning her fears and worries about the future, you may want to ask her to write her concerns on a piece of paper or in a journal. This is another grounding technique that allows an individual to take an abstract and thus powerful fear and make it concrete and tangible. Writing reduces intangible fears to something that is manageable. The student can look at the list and say, “So this is what I’m afraid of.” The rational mind is allowed to intervene and determine if the fears are worth having or if they are in fact irrational. A piece of paper and a pencil seem innocuous, but they are in reality very strong weapons against Fear and Dread. The pen is mightier than the sword. It is true that we will all lose those we love, but a life lived in fear of such loss is no life at all.

Rethinking the Season

2007-12-15T14:08:00.000-08:00

O come, O come, Emmanuel, And ransom captive Israel, That mourns in lonely exile here Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,Who orderest all things mightily; To us the path of knowledge show, And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free Thine own from Satan’s tyranny; From depths of hell Thy people save, And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer Our spirits by Thine advent here; Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,And open wide our heavenly home; Make safe the way that leads on high, And close the path to misery.

O come, O come, great Lord of might, Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height In ancient times once gave the law In cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree, An ensign of Thy people be; Before Thee rulers silent fall; All peoples on Thy mercy call.

O come, Desire of nations, bind In one the hearts of all mankind; Bid Thou our sad divisions cease, And be Thyself our King of Peace.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel - Medieval tune rearranged by Neale, 1851

This medieval song carries a power and a depth and a magic that often seems to be missing in our modern celebrations. When you read the words to this song, is anything stirred in your heart? Is there something holding your heart in bondage this Christmas season? What would bring you joy? It almost seems taboo to waist "valuable time" pondering such thoughts. This year, step away from the mad rush of buying and selling and enter in to the solitude that will allow you to find answers to these questions. They may be the most important questions you ever ask!

Rethinking What Might Have Been

2007-12-05T19:44:00.000-08:00

The first ghost that appeared to Odysseus was that of one of his own sailors, Elpenor, who had died when he fell off the roof of Circe’s palace. He spoke regretfully of the drunken state that had caused him to stumble and fall to his doom. Elpenor entreated Odysseus to give him a proper burial lest his spirit torment the king’s days and haunt his steps. Odysseus swore an oath to provide a suitable wake for his fallen comrade.

If we think about Elpenor’s words, we see that his ghost was full of regret over what might have been. When someone dies in their own world, especially a classmate, it is very common for young people to feel great sorrow and regret over the opportunities they missed to interact with the deceased. These thoughts and emotions can swirl around inside a student and preoccupy their waking hours. The goblins with which we as adult leaders must do battle are known as Regret and Depression.

One of the best ways to help a student in this situation is to give him the opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings, either in a group of his similarly grieving peers or one-on-one with an adult leader. If not given the chance to be freely expressed, these emotions and thoughts can reach a boiling point and cause some serious problems in a young person’s life. Sharing in this manner allows a student the chance to give substance to his feelings and to put words to otherwise amorphous laments and sorrows. Steps should be taken to ascertain who the close friends of the deceased were so that the group can freely share personal memories and stories. These are some ways in which we can help students to slay the monster Regret.

Depression can be defeated through encouraging a grieving student to make forward progress. Suggest new activities in which the young person can become involved. Motivate the student’s friends to come around her during this time. Service projects can be an excellent way to move the student who is sinking into the mire of depression to look beyond her own struggles and toward meeting the needs of others.

What in your life do you regret doing? What do you regret not doing? What changes can you make right now so that you can live your life without regrets?

Rethinking Blood

2007-11-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

The Kingdom of the Dead

Odysseus knew that finding his way back home to Ithaca after leaving the island of Circe the sorceress would be impossible without special guidance. The enchantress advised him to seek out the counsel of the blind prophet Teiresias. There was one small problem, however. Teiresias had died some time ago and now dwelled in Hades, the kingdom of the dead. Upon hearing these words, the Greek king was filled with dread and trepidation. He knew that his destiny lay along a path that would take him through the underworld and death itself. Nevertheless, with great courage and emboldened by the desire to return to his kingdom of Ithaca, Odysseus commanded his crew to follow the directions given by Circe.

For days on end they sailed, until the sea itself seemed to flow in an unnatural slope. Darkness filled the horizon as the terrified sailors journeyed toward the growing gloom of Hades.

When the ship neared the lands of the dead, the winds ceased, but the sail still billowed. The sailors next saw dark meadows with black sheep grazing on black grass. Believing that the ghosts of men could be attracted by blood, the Greeks seized two sheep and quickly killed them, draining their blood into a trench in hopes of summoning the phantom of Teiresias. However, a host of specters surrounded them, each wanting to drink of the warm blood that flowed in the trench. There at the edge of the trench, Odysseus communicated with not only the blind prophet but several other spirits as well.

In ancient times, the color red (associated with blood) symbolized the magical power of being alive. Why do you think the ghosts were drawn by the blood in the trench? What were they really seeking?

Rethinking the Shadow of Death

2007-11-16T21:25:00.000-08:00

Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
William Wallace

It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.
Jonathan Swift

Death. Let’s face it—the word itself can bring us down. For adolescents, the concept of death and dying is one that can cause feelings of dread and foreboding. Yet every student will eventually have to face the cold, hard fact of human mortality, whether through a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance. When someone near to us dies, it shakes our world and forces us to take a personal inventory of our own lives. The minions of the enemy—fear, isolation, defeat, despair, and depression—smell blood in the water and begin to encircle the student who has been dealt one of life’s most severe blows. In the next few posts, we will examine the concept of death and dying, and how to guide and fight for students through the grieving process, by sifting through the words of Homer as he describes Odysseus’s journey through Hades.

Rethinking Perceptions

2007-10-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Monday morning I awoke with a pit in my stomach. I hadn't slept well at all the night before. You see, as a public school teacher I am a part of a union and our contract negotiations haven't been going well. Monday morning began the first day of a strike called by our association Tuesday of last week. I'd never done this before.

Driving to the district school where I was scheduled to picket, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind. We were told that a group of counter-demonstrators were going to be protesting against us across the street. I envisioned rotten tomatoes flying in our general direction, but when I arrived on location, I found it to be a completely different experience.

Parents of children we taught in school had made us all sorts of snacks to get us through the long day ahead. There was even a group of parents and students who made signs and cheered for us. I can't describe how valued that made me feel! People drove by honking and giving us the thumbs up sign. Occasionally, we received other signs as well. It's interesting to see that when you find yourself in a situation like that how vulnerable you feel. There I was with a sign walking alongside a busy street. I felt like a sitting duck.

As a teacher who is dedicated to his students, I really struggled with the concept of a strike. I thought about what it would do to the parents who now had to make other arrangements for their children. I don't want my students to be out of school. I want to be able to teach them and help them grow into the men and women that they were born to be. But, as I considered the issue before me carefully, I came to the conclusion that I had an opportunity to teach them a powerful lesson indeed, by example. There are times in one's life that require you to stand up for yourself and for what you are worth. This is the lesson that I hope I can teach my students outside the classroom.

The kindnesses and the insults we received that first day were all magnified a hundredfold. Occasionally, people driving past would shout out the window, "Get back to work you lazy @#$@s!" or "greedy teachers!" It was then that I was struck with the realization that they had no idea who we were. The people they had yelled at were my colleagues and friends. These were good, hardworking, professional people, who never deserved to hear insults like that.

It made me think. How many times in my own life had I judged other people and their actions without really taking the time to get to know them, or to hear their story? How often have I said unkind words out of ignorance? Too often. It also made me realize that even the smallest acts of kindness, like a smile or a thumbs up can mean a world of difference to those who are facing challenging and extraordinary circumstances.

It's Thursday, early, early morning and the strike goes on. I'm on a journey, being taught as I go, guided as if by an Unseen Hand.

Here are some photos from the day.

Rethinking Introspection

2007-10-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

The Search for Truth

The temptations that adolescents (and everyone else) face can reveal their truest desires. Powerful, honest longings are often concealed deep within their hearts like treasures hidden in darkness. They can tell them about their place and purpose in this world if only they will have the patience to delay their urges to seek immediate gratification. Too often, sincere desires are momentarily placated by temporal things and pushed just below the surface of consciousness. Yet, if you can teach students to resist temptation or at least fight it long enough to ask some tough questions, progress can be made toward uncovering the real person. Some questions that will help encourage introspection include:

• What am I really looking for in this place?
• What do I hope will happen if I do this thing?
• What is missing in my life that I wish were here now?
• What do I fear will happen if I decide not to do this thing?

Rethinking Resistance

2007-10-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Teaching Resistance

Often when we warn students of the dangers of partaking in certain activities, it goes in one ear and out the other. Even worse, it sometimes adds the element of intrigue, of something forbidden. It is important to discuss the dangers of succumbing to temptation, but we ought to go further. The reasons they are being tempted should be explored. They should be made aware that resisting temptation could reveal critical secrets about the inner landscape of their hearts.

How did Odysseus endure the temptation of the Sirens? He planned his resistance even before the temptation presented itself. He knew his own weaknesses and understood his fallibility. Thus, Odysseus ordered his men to bind him securely to the mast of his ship. Furthermore, he demonstrated wisdom by preparing a secondary line of defense against the allure of the Sirens’ song—he ordered two of his strongest men to guard him lest he break his bonds in passionate fury and throw himself over the side of the ship into the treacherous waters below.

What does being “bound to the mast” mean for our students today? The Greek king ordered himself bound to the mast to head off temptation before it could wield its power. Temptation is much easier to defeat prior to the exertion of its magnetic pull. How can adolescents in our day and age bind themselves to the masts of their ships?

Resisting temptation may mean making a commitment to avoid situations where the individual would encounter the thing that tempts them. In this case, it would require a young person to take a personal inventory and acknowledge their areas of weakness when it comes to temptation. Perhaps a young person can recognize that he has a propensity to sell out his true friends when the opportunity to “hang” with the popular crowd presents itself.

In this case, he must identify the settings in which he feels tempted to betray his real friendships in order to acquire popularity and make a commitment to stay away from them. Maybe there is a student who finds herself tempted to drink or take drugs. If this typically happens whenever she is at an unsupervised party, she will most likely need to make a resolution to stay away from the party scene. Finally, if an adolescent finds himself lured into sexual activity, it is undoubtedly due to a combination of factors, such as being alone with his significant other and possibly spending time around others that brag about various exploits. Such a student would do well to distance himself from these things, thus muting the song of the Sirens.

The Old Testament records the story of Joseph and Potipher’s wife. When Joseph was working as a servant at Potipher’s house, the wife of his Egyptian master attempted to seduce him. Instead of trying to summon the strength to resist her advances, Joseph simply fled the predicament, hence avoiding a problematic situation before the temptation became too strong. Further, Joseph protected his personal integrity, his character, and ultimately his heart. As adult leaders, we must understand that this is easier said than done for the students we work with, but it is really the only effective strategy for countering temptation.

Strength in Numbers
Odysseus didn’t try to overcome the lure of the Sirens on his own. Rather he called upon two of the strongest members of his crew to help him stay in control. Students too will need to rely on others who can help them stay away from situations in which they are tempted to do something destructive. Have the adolescents in your sphere of influence identify two or more friends that can be trusted to help them avoid admitted areas of weakness or to encourage them to stand up under it.

The book of Proverbs declares that a “cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Legend has it that prior to his conquests, Genghis Khan’s mother asked him to break an arrow in half with his hands. He did so with great ease. She then handed him three arrows and asked him to do the same. Unable to snap the three arrows, Genghis Khan understood the meaning of his mother’s exercise. There is strength in numbers!

Rethinking L.A.

2007-09-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

There are some great things going on in L.A.! If you've never heard of O2MAX Fitness Center, you should really visit their site.

O2 MAX, the club for teens opening this Fall will offer teens a positive place to workout, meet a friend, read a magazine, bring a laptop, I.M., study, download music, get a tutor, or just hang out. In other words, O2 MAX will be a place teens can call their 'home away from home' - only now they can associate the routine habits of their daily lives with a healthy and fit lifestyle. - O2 MAX

Staying healthy and physically fit is a critical part of being fully alive!

Rethinking Temptation III

2007-09-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

Every human being has been tempted. It is a part of life itself, though giving in to temptation is a choice, not an inevitability. Whenever someone is faced with temptation, there is always a way out, a way to stand up under it. Why do we allow ourselves to fall into temptation? Because whatever we are being tempted with holds itself up as the good thing that we truly desire, when in fact it is nothing but a dangerous impostor. As adult leaders, we will cross paths with innumerable students who are being tempted or who are giving in to temptation. How do we help them to resist temptation and uncover their true longings?

Rethinking Drugs & Alcohol

2007-09-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

Drugs & Alcohol: The Story of Ricardo

Ricardo was a tenth-grade student who had always maintained passable grades. He had a few fairly solid friendships and had a pretty active social life on the weekends. The average Friday night in autumn usually involved going to the high school football game with several of his friends. His friend Thomas had already acquired one the most coveted of all the high school trophies, a driver’s license, which enabled Ricardo and his circle to be much more mobile.

When the football game was over, a number of other socially active students in school would find a place to “hang” and party. Ricardo, Thomas, and the others would usually join them at another student’s house (if the parents were out of town) or in a secluded spot in the woods nearby the football stadium. Alcohol was prevalent at these party locations, usually supplied by someone’s older sibling. Drugs could also be found among several of the groups that joined the revelry. It was not uncommon for these carousals to last until one or two in the morning or until the beer had been entirely consumed.

Ricardo’s parents had always been clear about their position on underage drinking and drug use. It was unacceptable in their family. Ricardo’s older sister Maria had managed to successfully steer her way through high school without getting involved in either drugs or alcohol. So far, Ricardo had not partaken in the consumption of alcohol or of illegal drugs, either, but he did attend the after-game parties. He knew that his parents would disapprove of his involvement in activities such as these, even though he remained clean and sober. This often led him to lie to his parents about his postgame whereabouts. He felt guilty, but what could he do?

To say that he was never tempted to drink a beer or do a shot of vodka would be untrue. His friends, including Thomas, would all drink and party pretty heavily, although they usually respected Ricardo’s choice not to partake. Ricardo would try to mingle with the others at the party, but without a drink in his hand he felt awkward and socially “out.” It seemed that those who were drinking had a wonderful excuse to go up to a nice-looking guy or girl and strike up a conversation. They could do the things they really wanted to do all along—and then have an excuse if it didn’t turn out well the next morning. Those who were stoned were able to talk about their current highs and past highs with great ease, as they sat around in a circle listening to the latest emo band. Ricardo was there at the scene of the party, but on another level, he felt that he was not really a part of the action.

As he and his friends waited for Thomas to sober up so he could drive them home, Ricardo thought long and hard about giving in and having a beer. How bad could it be, anyway? It was just one beer offered to him in a friendly gesture by a guy he had never met. Ricardo’s friends watched closely, as he didn’t say no right away as he always had before. He felt like the cartoon character that had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The angel reminded him, “If you do this, the respect that your friends have for your previous decision to be drug and alcohol free will evaporate. Flee from this temptation! Hold tightly to your integrity!” To that the devil sang alluringly in retort, “They never respected you anyway! Do this and you will have true camaraderie! Do you see the others who hold their cans, bottles, and cups—how they laugh and carry on and live life to the full? That could be you if only you would drink and be full.”

Ricardo drank his first beer that mild October night. To say that his life took a downhill turn from that moment on would be untrue. As the devil on his shoulder predicted, he laughed and socialized with the people around him. To the casual observer, this was nothing more than a typical weekend night at an average high school gathering, but Ricardo sacrificed some important strategic ground that night. From that point on, the devil or Siren on his shoulder had an established beachhead from which to further compromise Ricardo’s integrity.

The Real Danger.
What perils lie in succumbing to the temptation to drink alcohol or use drugs? More than most adolescents can possibly foresee. Simply observe the lives that have been ruined by substance abuse. Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol leads to a multitude of teenage deaths each year. Yet despite the statistics and warnings, many students continue to engage in this hazardous behavior.

Drug addiction and alcoholism are on the rise. Those who are in recovery typically declare that their involvement with substance abuse began during their adolescent years. Countless problems arise from chemical dependency, including criminal behavior, an increased mortality rate, divorce, and loss of interest in life. Patterns of substance abuse can also be passed down to subsequent generations.

Some may suggest that to bring up this endless array of pitfalls after discussing Ricardo and his first beer may seem a little extreme. After all, he was a good kid and he only had one beer. But ask those for whom life has been laid waste by the scourge of drugs and alcohol, How did it start? It started with just one beer and led to alcoholism. It started with only one joint and led to harder drugs and addiction.

The little decisions that compromise our integrity as human beings can lead to devastating consequences farther down the road. Chemicals cloud the real person and bury the desire for abundant life in a murky pit of despair and confusion. Ricardo and others might not wind up in a drunk-driving accident or addicted to drugs, but understanding how precious life is, can we afford to take this gamble?

The Real Desire.
What strong desire does the temptation to engage in drinking and drug use play upon? What do Ricardo and millions of young people like him hope to find by turning to chemicals? That is where we must start to uncover the root of the temptation. Like everyone else, adolescents want to feel good. More teens than can be counted, however, do not feel good. Some are depressed, and the euphoria of the buzz or the high allows them to forget their depression momentarily. Others are hurting on the inside from soul-wounds received at the hands of a parent or a friend. They don’t want to feel this pain any more. They want to feel better, so like the Homeric Lotus-eaters, they self-medicate. The desire to feel good is common to all of humanity, but can be easily misdirected by the Siren of drugs and alcohol.

Chemicals are also able to tempt by inflaming the desire in adolescents to have companionship. Believe it or not, it seems easier for young people to strike up a conversation with someone if they are holding a drink than if they are not. Why? The drink enables them to avoid the risk of revealing who they really are. People often feel that they can only be themselves when they are drinking, and that is a sad situation. The reason is that the drink gives them something to hide behind.

If a student unveils his real likes and authentic personality when he is drinking, it allows him a way out if he perceives that others did not approve. He can always fall back and say that it was the alcohol that “made him do it.” It takes a lot more courage to be yourself when you have no excuses available if people do not like who you really are. Every time you behind a drink or a joint, it makes it more difficult to be yourself without using a chemical. Students, like everybody else, have a strong desire to be known.

Rethinking Popularity

2007-09-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

Popularity: The Story of Natalie
Natalie had entered seventh grade eager to meet new people and make new friends. Her best friend Katie was in several of her classes and sat with her in the cafeteria. Natalie was energetic and outgoing, whereas Katie was more reserved and introspective. The two had been good friends since elementary school and spent many summers together swimming and riding bikes. From the beginning of the new school year, Natalie began noticing that certain groups of students seemed to be more respected and well liked than the rest. They were the popular crowd, attractive, athletic, and social. Perceiving that she was no more than a cipher in this populous middle school, Natalie began to feel a longing to be a part of the “in crowd.” She found herself wanting to dress like the popular kids, spending a great deal of her weekly allowance and her parent’s money at the trendy stores in the local mall.

As much as possible, she played the part. When the cool kids laughed, she laughed. When they were angry, she was angry. When they made fun of others, so did Natalie. One day, the popular students decided to poke fun at her friend Katie. In gym class, Teivel, one of the popular girls, taunted Katie about the way she wore her hair. A few others joined in the harassment, and soon a small group was laughing and pointing fingers at Katie. Natalie, who was standing nearby, had an important and defining choice to make. What price would she pay to be popular? On the outside of the circle were the popular girls whom she had been trying to impress for some time now; inside was her best friend, Katie, whom she had known since she was little. The temptation and pressure to take part in the tormenting and to identify with the popular crowd was growing by the minute. In the end, she gave in and pointed her finger at Katie in a mocking gesture, making fun of the friend who had been so loyal to her all of these years.

The Real Danger.

Why is yearning to be popular a bad thing? Adolescents want many different things, so why categorize the desire to be popular as a temptation? Look at the foundation of popularity. What is it? If you boil it down, popularity is almost completely based on the opinions of others. Certain people are popular or unpopular because of what other people believe about them. The teens that strive to be popular and to climb up the social ladder tend to base their sense of self-worth on the opinions of others. If the right people smile at them or talk to them, they have a great day. However, if this just doesn’t happen, for whatever reason, their day has been torpedoed.

A healthy young person is one who understands that happiness is a choice and that the opinions and attitudes of others should not determine what kind of day it will be. The quest for popularity is a siren song that will lead only to disappointment, negative feelings about oneself, and a self-image that is to a great extent based on the approval of others. It simply establishes an unhealthy pattern that can follow a person into adulthood.

The friendships of those who are tempted by popularity are often formed for the wrong reasons. True friendship is typically about common interests and a respect for one another. Social climbers develop friendships not out of respect for others or mutual interests but rather for what the other person can offer in the way of increased social status or prestige. Friendships such as these usually lack any real foundation and are quickly disposed of if one individual is no longer socially useful. Betrayal is not uncommon in social-ladder relationships, leading to a “soap opera” atmosphere among popular cliques. Seeking to form friendships in order to advance social standing is a dysfunctional model that can impair relationships throughout a lifetime.

Young people who are lured by social advancement usually have little or no sense of self. They have spent so much time and energy trying to be what they think other people want them to be that they have absolutely no idea who they really are. The things that are held up as important to the popular crowd subjugate outside interests and passions. This can lead to an adulthood of striving to be what a person perceives others want them to be. These are the bones upon which the Siren of popularity perches.

The Real Desire.

When a student is tempted by popularity, what is being revealed about the heart’s deep longings? The secret to unveiling the real desire is to examine the impostor, the siren song. Why is it so seductive? What does it claim to offer the young person who is chasing after it?

Popularity offers the illusion of belonging to a group. There is always a popular clique or social group in a school, youth group, club, or sports team. And unfortunately, the adult world is not much different. Human beings want to know that they belong to something, that they are a part of a greater whole. This is the good thing that the heart of the adolescent deeply craves.
We were made to live in community with one another. Popularity seems to offer water for this thirst, but the reality is much different.

Popularity grants friendship, although the friendship—if that is what it can truly be called—is tenuous at best. It is usually based on what the other person can do for you and what you can do for them, not simply enjoying one another’s company. The desire to have friends is very real and good. The friendship developed by social climbers, though, is a deceptive alternative. These “friendships” lack key ingredients—mainly trust, respect, and the authentic joy of being in the other’s presence.

The Siren of popularity also professes to provide an identity. This identity, though, has as its foundation the shifting opinions of others in the group. If the rest of the popular group considers you to be popular, then you are allowed to maintain that identity. If your musical tastes, style, or relational choices begin to differ from the group, however, your identity is jeopardized. Basing one’s sense of identity on the likes and dislikes of others is a dangerous route to travel. The rocks of the Sirens’ islet are not far off. The desire to understand your place in the world is noble and universal. Who am I? Where do I fit into the big story? What is done with that desire in youth can establish patterns that last throughout a lifetime.

Rethinking Temptation II

2007-09-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

What is temptation? Temptation takes a real, legitimate desire and offers up a deceptive or dangerous alternative in order to fulfill that longing, a “Siren’s song.” Over the next few posts, we will examine several universal siren songs of adolescence in order to explore the difficulties that can stem from giving in to temptation. We will also strive to identify what the young person is truly longing for. Stay tuned...

Rethinking Sirens

2007-08-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

After fleeing the terror of Cyclops Island, The Odyssey’s Greeks landed on a mysterious island that was ruled by the enchantress Circe. There they experienced trouble after trouble, and Circe turned the crewmen into pigs. The clever Odysseus, however, along with the god Hermes, devised a plan to rescue his men from the enchantment of the sorceress. After gaining freedom for his men, the king of Ithaca learned of another peril that he and his crew must at all cost avoid: the Sirens who inhabited a rocky islet that lay along their intended route. Sailors had been tempted to their doom by the alluring chorus of the Sirens, wrecking their ships upon the huge rocks. Their bones were piled high on the peak of the islet.

Odysseus warned his men to beware of the enchanted song and ordered them to put beeswax in their ears so they wouldn’t be enticed by the sweet harmonies of the Sirens as they sailed quickly past the rocky crags. Since he needed all of his senses in order to captain the ship, Odysseus ordered his men to bind him tightly to the mast so he wouldn’t become enchanted and steer the craft into the treacherous shallows or dive into the turbulent waters. Further, he ordered two of his strongest men, Perimedes and Eurylochus, to guard him closely in case he was able to break his bonds.

Because the sail could not be used in such a narrow pass, the Greeks rowed their vessel along the jagged coast. Without fail, the Sirens began their bewitching ballad. The sailors, their ears stuffed with wax, were immune to the singing of the Sirens, but Odysseus pressed and strained against his bonds. The Sirens sang mystical tunes that entreated the Greek king to think about the green hillsides of Ithaca, the warm embrace of his wife, and his longing for knowledge about the mysteries of the world.

Mad with desire, Odysseus broke the sinews that bound him to the mast and rushed to the edge of the ship. Fortunately, Perimedes, Eurylochus, and the rest of his unaffected crewmates were able to restrain the impassioned king in his crazed attempt to swim to the Sirens. As the ship passed the Sirens, Odysseus was finally able to gaze upon the creatures that had lured him with their silvery sweet voices. To his shock and dismay, the beings that so melodically aroused him into a torrid rush revealed themselves to be hideous beyond human comprehension. Each had the ugly, grasping claws of an osprey, winged bodies, and the heads of young women. They sat aloft a pile of human bones, some with the flesh still hanging off them. The disgust and loathing he felt when he looked upon the Sirens and the sudden realization of what they really were shattered the euphoric spell and freed Odysseus to continue on his long voyage home to Ithaca.

Rethinking Temptation

2007-08-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” —Genesis 3:1

Why comes temptation, but for man to meet and master and crouch beneath his foot, and so be pedestaled in triumph? —Robert Browning

Adolescents today face an ever growing array of temptation. Succumbing to these temptations can distract and derail a young person’s journey through life. Sometimes the consequences of falling into temptation last well into adulthood and affect future generations. We will use the rendezvous between Odysseus and the Sirens as a metaphor for understanding the issue of temptation and the hazards of yielding to it.

Rethinking Our Fears

2007-08-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I participated in a triathlon relay event with two other men I had never met. Since I was a swimmer in high school and college, I did the 700 meter swim. When I was invited to be a part of the relay team, I felt a certain sense of unease. A thousand excuses filled my mind. I said I would consider it and let them know in a few days. Honestly, I said this so that I could come up with a good reason why I couldn't do it. Why did I want to avoid this experience? Well...I was afraid.

I was always a natural swimmer and eventually earned All-American honors in the 100 & 200 yard backstroke. When I was in my younger years, I always felt pressure to win and perform. The difference is that fourteen years ago, I was in the best shape of my life and felt confident that I could live up to expectations. Now, at thirty-five, I didn't have that reassurance, although I still felt the pressure. I guess I just didn't want to look bad.

The interesting thing is that during the time that I was supposed to come up with a reason why I couldn't compete in the triathlon, something deep down inside was telling me that I had to face this demon. Something within me wanted to push against my fears and limits. I ended up calling to let them know that I was in.

I had only three weeks to train for an event that was considerably longer than my longest swim in college. If any of you have children, you will understand that finding time to train with a four and two year-old at home can be challenging at the very least. After three weeks of training at odd hours and in twelve yard hotel pools, my big day arrived. I couldn't really sleep the night before.

Family and friends came to cheer our relay team on. The swim began with a chaotic rush of splashing. During the halfway point, I had to fight this intense urge to just quit. It wasn't that I couldn't finish, for I had swum the distance numerous times over my three weeks of training. Rather, it was that I knew how far I still had to go. Once I pushed through that barrier, runners call it a wall, I knew I was on the downhill run. I finished the race, jumped out of the water, and sprinted the hundred yards around the pool. A good friend who I swam with at Grove City College finished about the same time I did. As we ran around the Olympic size pool, we high-fived each other.

Rounding the bend and heading for the parking lot where our team biker was stationed, I felt a wave of absolute exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. It was at that moment, that, seemingly out of nowhere, the runner on our team appeared by my side, and ran the rest of the distance with me. Staggering, I handed off the timing band to the biker and I was finished. Our team ended up with our best time and finished fourth overall!

So what did I learn from this experience? I learned that sometimes you can finish fourth and still win. I had my best time in the 700 meter swim. That is winning. I pushed through a wall that could have stopped me dead in my tracks. That is winning. I had the chance to struggle and overcome alongside a friend who was experiencing the same thing. That is winning. When I felt like I couldn't go on anymore, a new friend ran alongside me and gave me the strength to keep going. That is what friends do. That is winning.

What demons do you need to slay? What do you need to face and stop running from? When you drive against your fears, your life will become richer in so many ways!

Rethinking Bullying X

2007-08-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Mythic Connections

The “Cyclops’ Cave” is an excellent story to use for connecting with students regarding the issue of bullying and harassment. The chapter from The Hobbit that tells the tale of Lake Town and the dragon would also be another good reading for this purpose. There are also some great movies that address this topic in a way that is engaging and relevant. An older one that portrays bullying in a manner that is still pertinent today is My Bodyguard. Other movies (theatrical release as well as TV) include Ever After, The Odyssey, Big Bully, The Karate Kid, Back to the Future, Napoleon Dynamite, and The Hobbit.

Discussion Questions
• Which character in this story do you identify with most?
• What intimidating situations did the character(s) encounter?
• Have you ever felt intimidated or bullied by someone else like the character(s) in this story did? Do you feel that way now?
• How did you handle this situation? Did you tell an adult? Friends?
• How has being intimidated or bullied changed you or changed the way you feel about yourself?
• What can you do to take control of the situation? Is there someone you can turn to for help or advice?

Rethinking Bullying IX

2007-08-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

Follow Up

Don’t try to mediate a conflict between a bully and a victim. Conflict mediation should be reserved for peers who are having a disagreement about a particular issue. If mediation is carried out between a bully and a victim, it can cause a great deal of stress for the victim and can expose him or her to further bullying. This is not a situation where each party is partially to blame; rather, the victim should know that they do not deserve to be treated in this manner.

A victim of bullying may carry deep scars in her heart from the tormenting she endured at the hands of another. Let the victim know that you will be touching base with her over the next few weeks or so, just to see how she is doing and to ascertain whether or not the bullying has in fact ended. The student who was victimized by a bully will need the opportunity to share her
feelings about what has transpired with a trusted friend or adult. You should arrange for such venting to occur whenever possible.

The damage bullying has caused needs to be faced to experience some real healing and restoration. Tears can be therapeutic. Sometimes a letter written to the bully but never delivered can help the student understand the depth of his pain and release it, as well as to see the person responsible for it. Professional counseling is very helpful in this regard and is strongly encouraged.

Rethinking Bullying VIII

2007-07-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

Sword to the Eye

When Polyphemus was fast asleep, the wise Odysseus knew that the effects of the wine would soon wear off, and he and his men would again find themselves in mortal danger. Realizing this, the king knew that drastic measures needed to be taken. He heated his sword in the fire pit until the blade was red hot. Then, while his men restrained the Cyclops, Odysseus thrust the glowing blade deep into the epicenter of the monster’s hideous strength, his single eye. Blinded and in agony, the Cyclops rolled the enormous stone away from the mouth of the cave to call for help, allowing the Greek soldiers to escape.

The behavior of a bully can lead a victim to feel powerlessness. This feeling can have a deteriorating effect on the heart, leading to despair and hopelessness. The Old Testament story of David and Goliath describes the Philistine giant Goliath taunting the armies of Israel for days on end. The Israelite soldiers and even their king Saul felt more and more defeated and fearful the longer this was allowed to continue. Fear and despair, this is what we are fighting against. Encourage the victim to be assertive in bullying situations, just as the young David stepped in to face his huge opponent.

What does assertiveness look like? It depends upon the student who is being bullied. If a student is being bullied in a school cafeteria every time he passes by a certain lunch table, he may be tempted to tiptoe quickly and quietly past the table while looking down at the ground so as to not draw unwanted attention. A protective response like this may seem natural, but over time it wears away a person’s sense of worth and serves to make the person feel even more powerless. It is a good exercise to identify one’s fears. An adult leader in circumstances such as these would want to help this student to identify his fears and put words to them.

Keep in mind that this usually can only happen within the framework of a previously established relationship and sense of trust between adult and student. Putting words to our fears has the same effect as shining a light in a darkened room. It is a grounding technique, one that allows the student to take her fears from being something amorphous (which enables fears to last and linger far longer than they otherwise could) to something that is concrete and definable.

Let’s say that this young lady walks meekly past a threatening situation because she is afraid that another student, or students, will say something disparaging toward her if she is noticed. In this case, assertiveness for her might be allowing herself to be noticed. She should speak up and walk proudly, with her head held high. She ought to make eye contact with those who have been harassing her. If a bully bothers her, she should loudly and firmly tell the person to stop what they are doing. Bullies rarely like to have their actions broadcast to everyone else. She may not feel that self-confident, but feelings follow actions.

Metaphorically, the Cyclops cave represents a prison of fear, and the sword of Odysseus symbolizes assertiveness, which is the key to being released from the cave. For the Israelites, freedom from Goliath’s intimidation and fear came at the hands of a young boy armed with only a sling and a stone. In Tolkien’s The Hobbit, the people of Lake Town were liberated from the terror of the dragon Smaug through the courage of Bard and the swiftness of his Black Arrow. Act the way you want to feel until you actually feel that way. Don’t let the bullies win!

This next assertion will probably ruffle some feathers, but some feathers need to be ruffled. There may be some circumstances where a young person may need to physically defend himself against a bully. This is especially true for adolescent boys. I think back to my tenth-grade boys’ gym class. Mr. Auberon, our teacher, introduced us to a number of different athletic activities such as baseball, basketball, archery, golf, tennis, and volleyball. One day he announced that he would be breaking the class up into pairs so that we could learn some wrestling moves. I remember some of the students in the class grumbling rather audibly when Mr. Auberon made the announcement, but even more I remember his reply to their protests. He said, “You never know what kind of situation you might find yourself in someday, and a man needs to know that he can take care of himself.” This is truer than many in our society want to believe. Like it or not, boys (and men) need to know that they are able to handle themselves if the going gets rough.

A student who is being bullied will want to identify his fears and be assertive, but he will also want to know that he can defend himself if he is physically assaulted. An adult leader in this case may want to encourage some form of self-defense training, martial arts, or perhaps trying out for the wrestling team. It may even be as simple as an adult leader teaching the student a few wrestling moves or how to throw or dodge a punch.

There are probably some that are ready to close the browser window, thinking that this is a call to violence. However, it is anything but a physical call to arms. Instead, we want to teach someone—or arrange for someone to be taught—how to defend himself so that hopefully they will never have to do so.

Mr. Miyagi draws the truth out of his protégé Daniel LaRusso by asking, “Daniel-san, why do you study Karate?” Daniel replies, “So I can fight.” Miyagi looks deep into Daniel’s eyes and says, “Is that what you think?” “No,” Daniel replies, and then after a pause continues, “So I won’t have to fight!” Miyagi smiles.

The battle is not in the physical realm. It is a contest for the heart. This suggestion is no doubt an investment of time and energy, but it is an investment that will pay lifelong dividends.

Rethinking a Time Out

2007-07-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Violence in Iraq, global climate change, poverty, etc., can bring us down. It's relentless, but it isn't what is most true about our world. Take some time out of the chaos to view these photos...and remember that there is still much that is beautiful and good in this world.

The LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son - Deuteronomy 1:31

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a mighty wind is bearing me across the sky. - Ojibwa Indian Saying

If you feel like you are in the middle of a downpour in your life, watch this powerful Nooma video called Rain. But...only when you have a quiet moment.

Rethinking Bullying VII

2007-07-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

Work with Others

When Polyphemus was lured through conversation into drinking too much wine, the clever Odysseus came up with a plan to restrain the sleeping giant. This could not be accomplished without the aide of his comrades. The Greek sailors divided themselves on either side of Polyphemus and laid hold of his mighty ears so as to harness his massive head.

Another strategy that can be combined with the first is companionship. If a student is being bullied in a certain section of a school hallway, instead of going the long way around and being late for class, encourage him to walk with a few friends. The presence of friends can often dissuade the bully from harassing the intended victim. There is strength in numbers. Sadly, some students who are being bullied do not have friends they can count on to help in such situations. If you are able to accompany the student, do so . . . but from a distance. Your proximity sends a message to the perpetrator that bullying will not be tolerated. Work with other adults who may be able to go to locations where you cannot (i.e., the rest room, pool, athletic field, etc.). An adult presence greatly reduces bullying behavior.

Rethinking Bullying VI

2007-07-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

Engage the Bully

After the grisly display of bloodshed and savagery carried out by the Cyclops, the Greek sailors were reduced to quivering, terrified children. Sensing that the Cyclops fed off not only the bodies of the men but also their fear, Odysseus began to plot and scheme. He drew the Cyclops into a conversation that distracted the monster, at least momentarily, from devouring other members of his crew. He learned that the name of this brooding menace was Polyphemus. He turned the discussion to the subject of wine, educating the one-eyed giant about the pleasures of the drink of the vine. The Cyclops was lured into drinking the wine and thus fell into a deep, inebriated sleep.

Now, we cannot drug bullies or trick them into drinking alcohol until they become unconscious. Rather, we ought to teach students who are being bullied how to use their minds in the moment. Encourage students to engage the bully in conversation if they feel that the situation is about to turn ugly. This tactic often distracts the bully from his original intent, of harming the victim. Further, this technique puts the locus of control back into the victim’s hands. Bullying is about control and domination.

When a victim is able to gain control of what could have been an out-of control situation, self-esteem increases. An adult can facilitate this strategy by offering to role-play the situation with the student. It also helps to have topics of conversation ready to use at a moment’s notice. There is no predetermined schedule for bullying activities, so fortune favors the prepared. Ask the student to brainstorm topics of conversation that might be of interest to the bully. Is he drawn to cars or dirt bikes? Does she like a certain type of music? Whatever the topic may be, conversation breeds familiarity and reduces fear. The bully becomes less of an enigmatic monster and is revealed to be merely human. Not only can this tactic help a victim of bullying regain control, but being able to converse intentionally with others is also an important life skill.

Rethinking "Lucky Number 7"

2007-07-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

Luck never made a man wise. - Seneca, Letters to Lucilius

Go and wake up your luck. - Persian Saying

Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. - William Shakespeare

Today is 7-7-07. Thousands have flocked to Las Vegas to either get married, play blackjack (3x7=21), or take their chances at the slot machines. Why is the number seven believed by many to be lucky? The origins of reverence for the number seven actually go back to ancient times, when astronomers thought there were a total of seven planets. They were called the seven "wanderers" because they seemed to wander with respect to the background stars. These included: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the Moon, and the Sun.

The Bible poetically describes the creation of the world in seven days, with the seventh being a day of rest. It goes on to declare that the spirit of God is seven-fold. This is reflected in the design of the sacred menorah temple candle. Again and again, this number appears in Scripture as a key number. On July 7th, 1947, dispersed Jews began boarding a ship known as the Exodus to return to the soon to be created nation of Israel.

Seven is hence the number of perfection. Interestingly enough, this being 7-7-07, three is often reckoned as the number of God, the Holy Trinity. So...777 is the number of God, whereas 666 would be the number of imperfection (or man) declaring himself to be God.

Alexander the Great went on to officially name seven Wonders of the Ancient World and if you look closely at a rainbow, you will notice seven different colors. Rome was built on seven hills. From Buddhist teachings to Cherokee mythology, seven is given a special place in the numerical cosmos. No doubt, the number has a lot going for it!

The number seven has importance for me personally, as my first-born son was 7 lbs, 14 oz. (7+7+7). He was 21 inches long, again 7+7+7, and was born at 12:21 pm (21=7+7+7 and 12 reversed is 21). Coincidence...sure, maybe.

Today, many equate seven with luck or being lucky. In antiquity, the number seven was viewed as having more to divine Providence, rather than luck. So let me pose this question to my readers...

Do you believe that your life is guided by Providence, the hand of God (destiny)? Or, do you think that luck (random chance) is responsible for the events of your life?

Rethinking Liberty

2007-07-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

"There is no triumph without loss, no victory without sacrifice, no freedom without suffering." -- JRR Tolkien

“I prefer liberty with danger than peace with slavery” - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“It has long been a grave question whether any government, not too strong for the liberties of its people, can be strong enough to maintain its existence in great emergencies” - Abraham Lincoln

“The God who gave us life gave us liberty at the same time; the hand of force may destroy, but cannot disjoin them.” - Thomas Jefferson

“Life, liberty, and property do not exist because men have made laws. On the contrary, it was the fact that life, liberty, and property existed beforehand that caused men to make laws in the first place.” - Frederic Bastiat

“There are those who will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American Dream.” - Archibald MacLeish

It's Independence Day...what in your life needs to be set free?

Rethinking Bullying V

2007-06-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

What advice can we bestow upon a young person who is suffering at the hands of a bully? How can we, as adult leaders, help adolescents in situations such as these? How did Odysseus handle his terrifying experience in the cave of the Cyclops? In order to address the issue of bullying, we must first examine what effects bullying has on the spirit of the young person.

Bullying, and the fear it induces, can lead to the paralysis of social ability. A young person who is the victim of bullying sometimes finds it difficult to engage others socially. Conversations can become awkward as the victim shies away from social contact due to the fear of being ridiculed, taunted, or harmed in a way that is common to their experience. "Shyness" as a personality trait will often develop as a method to cope with the fear of being bullied. A young person who has a tremendous amount to offer the world may be reduced to a life of self-imposed seclusion out of fear and trepidation.

There is an interesting dynamic at work in situations like these. Young people (and, being honest, we adult leaders, too) sometimes find themselves acting out of fear (i.e., avoiding situations similar to the ones in which the bullying took place) in an effort to escape further bullying. For example, a student who enjoys playing soccer might choose not try out for the team if someone who has bullied or harassed him is also trying out. To the victim, this sounds like a reasonable plan, but looking at the results through the lens of the heart, we come to understand that self-limiting actions such as these have a wilting effect on the spirit. Acting out of fear leads to more fear rather than less. How can we assist young people who are being bullied to make decisions not out of fear, but rather out of strength?

Rethinking Bullying IV

2007-06-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

If you should witness bullying firsthand, it is important to stop it immediately if it is reasonably safe to do so. Physically stand in between the bully and the victim. Separate the two individuals and try to avoid letting the bully make eye contact with the victim. Most bullies are sneaky and like to avoid detection. Call a spade a spade. If you saw bullying occur, call the bully out. Identify what he or she did in a calm but firm voice.

Don’t try to have the bully apologize or shake hands or in any way make amends at that moment. Rather, allow the situation to deescalate and then address the issue at a later time. If necessary, administer immediate consequences to the bully and state any appropriate rules and policies against bullying behavior. Enable the victimized student to retain his or her dignity by not asking questions pertaining to the incident with other students present. Privacy is very important when assisting a student who is the target of bullying. Questioning the student while others are within earshot can further embarrass and traumatize the victim.

Rethinking Bullying III

2007-06-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

Signs That a Young Person Is Being Bullied

Before we can help students who are being bullied, we have to know how to identify the signs that tell us bullying is taking place. Most adolescents will not readily tell an adult about the bullying problems that they are facing for fear of retaliation by the bully or of being labeled a "tattle-tale."

A list of warning signs that a young person is being bullied includes:

• Clothing torn or damaged, belongings often missing
• Unexplainable bruises, cuts, or other wounds
• Loss of interest in school or a drop in grades
• Depression, crying easily, locking oneself in the bedroom
• Unexplained loss of appetite
• Trouble sleeping at night
• Anxiety
• Fewer friends
• Low self-esteem
• Has contemplated suicide

Whenever possible, be aware of bullying behaviors in chat rooms, over instant messenger, and through text messaging. Believe it or not, bullies have been known to use these technologies to harass their victims in a multitude of ways.

Rethinking Sarah

2007-06-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

Female Bullying: The Story of Sarah

Female bullying looks different from male bullying in that it is primarily verbal and emotional. This isn’t to say that female bullying can’t become physical, as it occasionally does. Let’s take a look at Sarah’s situation to gain a better understanding of female-on-female bullying.

Sarah had grown up in the school district she currently attended. Through elementary and now middle school, she had spent most of her time with a group of about six or seven girlfriends. In the middle of her eighth-grade year, things became a little rocky with one of the girls in her group, Tina, who was arguably the leader. One day at the lunch table, Sarah mentioned that she thought a certain boy, Travis, was a "hottie." Unbeknownst to Sarah, Travis was currently being pursued by Tina. Tina reacted by calling Sarah a "slut." This led to considerable awkwardness, and Sarah, who tried to avoid confrontation, didn’t respond and fell silent.

Over the next few weeks, things began to get worse and worse. Sarah returned from her gym class to find the word "Ho!" scrawled in pencil on the door of her locker. She quickly tried to erase the word before anyone else saw it, but some around her noticed. The atmosphere at the lunch table was becoming more and more tense as Tina continually taunted Sarah, referring to
her as a "bitch" and "whore." Some of the other girls at the table began to give Sarah the cold shoulder, more in an attempt to stay in the good graces of the dominant Tina

The next day, a group of girls from another clique came up to Sarah’s locker in the morning before homeroom. They snickered and laughed. "What’s the matter?" Sarah queried. "So . . . how was it?" one of the girls replied. "How was what?" Sarah said. "Well, Tina told everyone on MySpace last night that you had sex with some kid." Sarah felt the tears of frustration seep into her eyes; she couldn’t help it. She ran away crying, which only fueled the poisonous gossip and rumors that Tina had spread.

That night she locked herself in her room. Sarah’s mother knew that something was terribly wrong, but was unable to pry any information from her daughter as to what it might be. How could Sarah tell her mother? Imagine the embarrassment! She, too, felt like Odysseus, trapped in the Cyclops cave. Her crew was being eaten one by one and the situation was looking ever grimmer.

Rethinking Greg

2007-06-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Male Bullying: The Story of Greg

Male-on-male bullying is commonly a mixture of both physical and verbal abuse. Let’s take a look at an example of bullying from the perspective of a ninth-grade boy named Greg. Greg had started his freshman year at his new school with a feeling of both nervousness and excitement. He had experienced a lackluster eighth-grade year at his old school in Tennessee and hoped for fresh possibilities in this new Pennsylvania high school.

Unfortunately for Greg, things took an unexpected turn. During his sixth period technology education class, he ran into a much bigger student named Chad. Chad began by poking fun at Greg’s Southern accent in front of the other students. He was called "Reb" and "Redneck." The other teens in the class laughed along with Chad—usually out of fear, so as not to be singled out by him themselves.

As the days progressed and the leaves began to turn, Greg’s experiences in this class began to worsen. Since the technology education rooms were very large and the teacher was often distracted with machinery and the needs of other students, the bullying Greg faced at the hands of Chad most often went unnoticed. Chad would hide Greg’s books while he worked on a project elsewhere in the room. If Greg protested, Chad would threaten Greg, sometimes even giving him a quick punch to the top of the head while the teacher wasn’t looking. In the cafeteria, prior to his sixth-period class, Greg was often unable to enjoy lunch or even to eat, dreading the bullying he would face in during the next part of his day. Chad would occasionally come up behind Greg during class or in the hallway and kick his feet out from under him, making him fall or trip in front of others, who would invariably laugh for fear of becoming the next target.

This daily humiliation and defeat made Greg feel powerless. There was no getting around the fact that he was smaller than Chad. He was embarrassed to tell a teacher, worrying others would find out and that he would be branded a tattletale or a coward for not taking it "like a man." He was also hesitant to tell his parents; after all, his parents had troubles of their own and didn’t want to be burdened with his problems. It is important to recall that bullying is one of the major reasons cited by students who have carried out several widely publicized school shootings.

Like so many others, Greg simply stuffed it all down and, in the end, felt depressed, fearful, and lonely. Thoughts of taking his own life even crossed his mind with greater frequency. Greg felt as though he was trapped in a dark cave, and Chad was his Polyphemus. Like Odysseus, he needed a plan.

Rethinking Bullying II

2007-06-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

Bullies may target certain students for a variety of reasons. It could be that the student looks different, perhaps racially, ethnically, or in other ways. Another possible cause of bullying is the way a student talks, maybe with a lisp, stutter, or accent. Due to previous heart-wounds, some students tend to project an image of defeat, of not being able to stand up for themselves. This tends to draw the attention of bullies. Sometimes there is no discernable reason for bullying to occur, but it does anyway.

Rethinking Bullying

2007-06-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Bullying in its essence is about the lust for power. It is subtle and insidious, and it often occurs right under the noses of adults. Bullies will sometimes try to control others for purposes of drawing attention to themselves, exerting their power and will over them. Contrary to popular belief, most bullies do not suffer from a low opinion of themselves. Many are popular and enjoy tormenting those who aren’t as strong.

Here is some research reported in the Sydney Morning Herald that supports this idea: Bullies often Mr Popular at school, study finds

Rethinking Giants II

2007-06-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

Most people have never come face to face with a flesh-eating, one-eyed mythological monstrosity like Polyphemus, but many young people have encountered a giant just as menacing. For a moment, look at bullying again through the eyes of someone who is currently facing it, and you will come to understand that bullying is a monster just as fearsome as the Cyclops of Homeric epic. Bullying strikes at the heart and soul of the adolescent, with a terrible brutality.

Rethinking the Cyclops Cave

2007-05-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

The Greek sailors who ventured with Odysseus had trusted their commander through thick and thin, through the tortuous years of the Trojan War and beyond. However, nothing could have prepared them for the terror they were about to endure on one ominous island that awaited the landing of their ships. Odysseus had already rescued his men from the perils of the lotus fruit and the narcotic apathy that it offered. Still coming down from the high of the intoxicating plant, the crew grumbled mightily. They argued that Odysseus should have left them to their peace and not dragged them back to sea. They were hungry and feeling mutinous. Odysseus, though not wanting to land on any of the nearby islands, was forced into a position where he had to make landfall or face the consequences of an increasingly unhappy crew. In the foggy blue of the Aegean Sea, a rocky island appeared slowly from the mist. Odysseus and a small company of his men set out to explore the island, searching for food and supplies.

Not long after setting foot on the mountainous island, one of the men spotted what appeared to be a herd of sheep moving across a rocky outcropping. The men ran after this wandering meal with the fervor brought on by intense hunger. Unfortunately for Odysseus, something else watched his men from the shadows of a high cave, waiting with an even more insatiable appetite for the meal that was running his way.

The Greeks pursued the sheep up the rocky clefts in the mountain until they came to a great cave. Hearing the bleating of the sheep from within the vast cavern, the men cautiously entered. As their eyes adjusted to the gloom and darkness, they saw a fire pit with great spits that roasted several goats. The aroma drifting from the open pit was too much for the men to take! They sprinted inside the cave and began stuffing their mouths with the succulent meat and sizzling fat. The feeling that they were but mice in a horrible trap, however, plagued Odysseus.

Without warning, an enormous stone was rolled in front of the entrance to the cave, plunging the Greeks into thick darkness. Only the fire pit cast an orange glow on the walls of the cave, making shadows dance like fearful demons. Then from the darkness emerged a sight so abhorrent and terrible that it reduced the brave Hellenic fighters to yelping children. A huge, monstrous, humanlike figure with gleaming teeth and one huge eye in the middle of its forehead stepped into the center of the cave. A massive hand reached down and lifted two of the sailors into the air with ease and stuffed them into the giant’s crushing mouth. The screaming men were eaten alive, bones and all! Growling and snarling, the monster reveled in the sheer ter ror he generated. The rest of the crew cowered in utter fear before the giant Cyclops.

Odysseus, his nimble mind always scheming, decided to entreat the monster. He called out to the Cyclops, drawing the fearsome giant into a conversation. Odysseus asked for the monster’s name. The Cyclops responded that his name was Polyphemus, and said that he and his brothers owned this island that the Greeks had stumbled upon. At that moment, he reached down and laid hold of another terrified sailor.

Determined not to lose any more of his men to this colossal horror, Odysseus intervened. Bernard Evslin provides an admirable paraphrase of this intercession in The Adventures of Ulysses. “Wait!” he cried. “Why?” asked the Cyclops. “Well,” the king responded, “that man you are about to eat was raised on olives and has an oily taste. You will not enjoy him without the taste of wine.” Confused, Polyphemus retorted that he was not familiar with “wine.” Odysseus continued, “Wine! It is the drink of the gods. Here, it is my gift to you.” With that, Odysseus handed the giant a substantial flask of the cordial. As the giant drank the wine, he asked Odysseus for his name. The clever king of Ithaca responded, “My name . . . is nobody.” “Well Nobody, “replied Polyphemus. “I like you. Therefore, I will eat you last.” As the Cyclops imbibed more and more wine, he became sleepier and sleepier, until finally the great body collapsed upon the cave floor and the sounds of mighty snoring ensued.

Odysseus commanded his sniveling men to go to either side of the giant’s mighty head. The king set the blade of his sword in the embers of the fire until it turned red hot. He then ordered his men to hold tightly to the huge ears of the sleeping giant to steady his head. With one powerful move, Odysseus plunged the glowing blade deep into the Cyclops lone eye! Awakened by the blow, Polyphemus wailed and thrashed about in agony. The Greeks hid among the sheep of the cave in a desperate attempt to avoid the reach of the now blinded monster. As suddenly as the wailing and groaning of the Cyclops began, it stopped, leaving the cave in deafening silence. The Greeks, hidden among the sheep, held their breath, as the giant listened quietly for the sounds that might lead him to the men who had left him so impaired.

Hearing only the bleating of the sheep, Polyphemus rolled the huge boulder away from the cave entrance, knowing that the sheep would instinctively exit the cave, leaving behind the men for whom his great wrath was now burning ferociously. Understanding the giant’s plan, Odysseus quietly ordered his men to cling to the bellies of the sheep as they left the cave, allowing them to flee undetected from the presence of the Cyclops. Looking back as he ran to freedom, Odysseus noticed several other tremendous figures converging on the cave, obviously the other Cyclopes, drawn by the bellowing of their wounded brother. “Who did it?” the other giants roared. “Who has blinded you?” Still in considerable agony, Polyphemus replied, “Nobody has blinded me!” “So you have done it yourself?” the others said. “What a terrible accident!”

Rethinking Giants

2007-05-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.—Edmund Burke

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.—Bertrand Russell

I’ve grown certain that the root of all fear is that we’ve been forced to deny who we are.—Frances Moore Lappe

Most adolescents have experienced or are currently struggling with the problem of bullying. Bullying is when someone performs certain actions or says certain things to harass or exert power over another. It is about the domination of other souls. Schoolyard bullying has plagued every generation, and most adults have traditionally viewed it as a right of passage, telling the young to simply ignore the bully and he will eventually go away. But bullying can leave scars on hearts that last a lifetime. Over the next few weeks, this blog will address the issue of bullying by exploring Odysseus’s encounter with the horrific Cyclops.

Rethinking the Lotus VI

2007-05-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

Innumerable students today are numbing the hurts and pains of their past in a variety of different ways. If you have the opportunity to engage young people on this topic, you can make use of stories and movies. Examples would include the story of the Lotus-Eaters from The Odyssey, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (either the book or the movie), The Family Man, Leaving Las Vegas, When a Man Loves a Woman, or The Matrix.

Discussion Questions:

• Which character in the story was turning to something to numb the pain in his or her life?

• What did that character turn to? Did it solve anything, or did it cause more problems?

• What pain do you think the character was trying to numb or forget?

• Do you identify with this character in any way?

• Have you ever tried to numb or forget pain in your life? What did you turn to? Video games?TV? Drugs or alcohol? Busyness? Did it solve anything or cause more problems?

• What pain were you trying to cover up, forget about, or numb by turning to this diversion?

Rethinking Intervention II

2007-05-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

If a young person you care about becomes involved in a behavior that will ultimately lead to destruction, it would be wise to conduct an intervention. You have the very important opportunity to intercede for the adolescents in your sphere of influence, just as Odysseus stepped into the lives of his crew. What is an intervention? When a person is addicted to their lotus of choice, the other people in her life—siblings, parents, and friends—may be experiencing a wide range of feelings, including anger, guilt, betrayal, fear, or frustration. Maybe things have been tried in the past and have failed. The situation can be chaotic. The goal of an intervention is to focus the siblings, friends, and family into a cohesive group that can introduce change into the destructive cycle of dependence. Most of us can remember when something said or done by someone who was important to us changed our way of thinking and perhaps saved us from a ruinous situation.

The group must have a leader—an Odysseus, so to speak. The leader must make sure that the group has been familiarized with the dysfunction at hand. If the problem is an addiction, treatment options should be investigated. The intervention group should meet prior to the actual intervention for purposes of preparation. What is going to be said to the individual? Who should be involved? Treatment should be arranged ahead of time.

When the time comes for the actual intervention, the leader’s job is to establish a sense of order in the process. Each person in the group gets an opportunity to speak to the person involved and let her know how much she means and how much she is loved. The individual needs to know that her behavior affects everyone in the room and that the problem is no longer hidden. Since treatment has already been arranged, there is no room for debate. Keep the tone loving and full of respect, but be resolute. The person may break down and cry. Perhaps she will become angry. Whatever the reaction, be firm. For the individual and for the group, the problem must be resolved and not allowed to continue.

Interventions of this kind may vary and don’t necessarily hold to a strict set of rules. Sometimes a simple intervention is best, maybe addressing a situation that hasn’t been previously acknowledged or asking a person to stop a behavior that is doing them harm or draining their life energy away. A simple intervention in an addiction to busyness can include requiring a student who is overextended to reduce the number of activities in which they are involved. For a teen that is lost in a fog of video games, television, or the Internet, it may mean taking away the game system, disconnecting the Internet, or removing the television from the bedroom. Regardless of the situation, it is highly recommended that you seek out the advice of a counselor or intervention professional for your particular situation.

Rethinking Intervention

2007-05-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

How did Odysseus save his crew from the intoxicating effects of the lotus fruit? What were his options? Did he try to reason with them? Maybe if he had tried to discuss their perilous situation, they would have listened to reason and returned to their ships on their own. What if he attempted to console them? Possibly if he had had pity on his crew and empathized with their situation, they would have been overcome by his understanding and compassion and given up the addictive high of the lotus. Perhaps he might have chosen to feel sorry for them and for the pain that they had endured from their years of battle at Troy and their hazardous journey at sea. The fog of Morpheus could be viewed as merciful, numbing painful memories of the past. If Odysseus had decided to travel any of these roads, he would have ended up enabling the sailors in their own act of self-destruction and ruining any hope he had of ever seeing Ithaca again.

The heroic Odysseus chose a much more intimidating path, a way that would place him in a position of appearing to be the very evil from which he was trying to rescue his men. One by one, the good king dragged his sailors back to the ship against their will. The ship represents a way to freedom, the very thing for which the men were longing. The crew, dizzy from the effects of the lotus, spat and fought against the very person that was carrying them to freedom.

When someone is using a crutch—whether video games, busyness, the Internet, television, chemicals, or anything else—to anesthetize the wounds of their heart, they will resist (sometimes violently) any attempts at distancing them from their particular lotus fruit. Once the lotus fruit is removed, they will find the particular pain they were anesthetizing will usually rise to the surface. But this allows both adult and adolescent to better comprehend the source of the wound and to explore the possibility of healing. If you are a teacher, counselor, or youth worker, you should attempt to work hand in hand with the parents of the adolescent who is self-medicating, whether literally or figuratively. If you are a parent, you will need the support of other adults in your child’s life.

Rethinking the Lotus V

2007-05-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

As ninth-graders go, Terry was a pretty typical kid. He had average grades, average athletic ability, average looks. For the most part, that is how Terry viewed himself: middle of the road, nothing special. His father had died when Terry was in the fifth grade, and the loss was especially difficult for his mother. While his mother increased her already heavy drinking to relieve the pain she was experiencing, Terry muddled his way through middle school. He had been largely unnoticed by his teachers. After all, he wasn’t exceptionally bad, nor was he exceptionally good. He was, well, somewhere in the middle.

If you had asked him what his interests and hobbies were, he probably wouldn’t have been able to tell you much. His heart was in pain, though on the outside it really wasn’t observable. One day, a new student arrived at his lunch table, bearing news of enticing lotus fruit. His name was Gordon, and he was what the teachers and administrators would refer to as a “problem child.” He was open about the fact that he frequently used marijuana and would share stories of being high with the others at the lunch table. Intrigued, Terry began spending more time around Gordon, eventually riding the bus to his house after school one day. It was there that Terry first experimented with pot. He and Gordon began riding their dirt bikes to the middle of the woods. There they would “light up” after school. His mother, in a haze of alcohol, would rarely say anything to Terry about not coming home from school until hours after it had already ended. He would spray down his clothes with deodorant to cover up the scent of the smoke.

For the greater part of his ninth-grade year, Terry would steal money from his mother’s wallet and buy dope from Gordon to satisfy his ever-growing cravings for the drug. This wasn’t his personality. He wasn’t really a thief. But his demeanor changed, he became apathetic toward his schoolwork, and his grades began to plummet. He cared little about his future and his life, for thought of getting high consumed his thoughts.

The parallel between the mythical lotus and substance abuse is a fairly easy one to draw. When Terry was high, the fact that he was average didn’t matter. The fact that his father was dead didn’t matter. The fact that his mother was an alcoholic didn’t matter. When he was high, the marijuana whispered softly that all was right in the world and that he didn’t need to worry about his cares. The wounds of his heart were still throbbing, but he was, in the words of Pink Floyd, “comfortably numb.”

Rethinking the Lotus IV

2007-05-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

Claire was by all measures a very attractive high school senior. Her long brown hair and striking green eyes turned the heads of all the boys as she walked through the cafeteria each day. She was involved in varsity sports and was the captain of the cheerleading squad. Early in the year, she was elected vice president of the student council.

Because Claire held down an after-school job as a waitress that enabled her to purchase her own car, she was able to drive herself to her various afterschool commitments. Since her mother was actively involved in her own social life, she failed to notice that Claire had less and less time to spare and that her schedule was increasingly tight. After cheerleading practice, Claire would drive herself to the restaurant where she worked, and she would wait tables for more than four hours. Because she was friendly and popular, she found herself accepting leadership positions in the Spanish club and the National Honors Society. If there was an activity, Claire was actively involved in it.

Five years earlier, when Claire was in seventh grade, her mother’s boyfriend, who was living with them at the time, sexually abused her over a period of several weeks. She never told anybody about the incident, and when her mother finally ended the relationship, Claire convinced herself that it was in the past and to be forgotten. Deep down, however, she felt dirty, used, and alone.

What would drive a girl like Claire into unrelenting busyness and activity? How did busyness anesthetize her hurt and sense of shame? What did she get from this endless array of activities? For starters, she derived a sense of belonging, a sense that she wasn’t alone. She was essentially running from her fear of being alone, for she had been alone in the house when horrible things
had happened to her before. A young part of her soul feared that if she were alone, it would happen all over again. She made a vow never to allow herself to be in that situation again, so she surrounded herself with activity and people.

Another lotus-like effect this whirlwind of activity had was to offer her a sense of approval. She loved feeling that others respected her and viewed her as a beautiful person. Who wouldn’t? Those are not bad things in and of themselves, but when they are being used to anesthetize a wound that is festering below the surface, they can lead to greater problems down the road. The good can become the enemy of the best.

Rethinking the Lotus III

2007-05-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

Brittany was a high school sophomore who excelled in school. Her teachers suggested that if she continued at this level of academic performance, she would eventually become valedictorian of her graduating class. She was used to success in the classroom, but when she looked in the mirror each morning, she questioned her reasons for living. You see, Brittany had bought into the lie that deceives so many teenage girls today—the lie that you must look like the women in the fashion magazines to be considered beautiful. As she looked in the mirror, she berated herself for having a nose that seemed too large. She scoffed at her waist and legs as she turned from one side to the next, trying to see herself from all angles.

In school, Brittany walked with an air of timidity and caution, devoid of the self-confidence that attracts others. Consequently, she found that the boys in her classes didn’t seem to pay attention to her at all. This negative cycle only served to reinforce her poor opinion of herself. Her lotus fruit was soon to be discovered, however. She and her friend Diana, who was struggling with similar issues, both happened to catch an episode of a new reality TV show one night. In the cafeteria the next day, Brittany and Diana discussed at length the intricacies of the televised relationships that were forming so rapidly before their very eyes.

Brittany was hooked. She began spending an increasing amount of time in front of the TV screen, watching every reality show she could find. Sometimes she would literally spend hours flipping through the hundreds of channels offered by her satellite service provider, looking for reality programming. Having a television in her room allowed her to stay up very late at night voyeuristically watching the lives of others. Her father began to worry about her when he noticed a drop in her grades at the midterm.

How did television become the lotus fruit for an intelligent but self-conscious high school girl? What did the reality shows offer that could lead Brittany to waste hours of her life in front of a video screen? For her, it was the opportunity to live life through the eyes of someone else. She could have the feeling of taking risks without actually taking them. All of the emotions were there—being excited and nervous on the first date, being angry at a betrayal of trust, and being happy and tearful when a relationship seemed to work out. Brittany didn’t feel confident enough to chance starting up a conversation with someone new, but it was easy to watch others do this very thing on TV.

It is really the same effect that soap operas have had on people for generations now, except that a new dimension of reality has been stirred into the mix, creating an intoxicating blend. While she was watching them, the reality shows helped her to forget, or perhaps we should say "anesthetize," the agony of her own self-perception. Her blank stare into the expanse of the video screen might have mirrored that of the Greek sailors upon their consumption of the narcotic lotus.

Rethinking the Lotus II

2007-05-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

Barry was a high school senior who was well liked by his parents, peers, and teachers. He was a solid basketball player and had already been accepted at George Washington University. His life did have its challenges, however. His father, who was respected in the community, had spent precious little time with Barry as he was growing up. He had come up with any number of excuses throughout the years as to why he was unable to take Barry camping or even play catch in the backyard. Intellectually, Barry had grown to accept this lack of interaction as normal, but his heart refused to go along. Something was missing in all of this.

After basketball practice, Barry would typically go to his room and surf the Internet for hours. He was drawn to the possibilities that the Web offered the endless array of information and stimulation. Often, he would log in to the instant messenger and communicate for hours, sharing intimate details with complete strangers. Here was intimacy without strings attached. Frequently, Barry would search through a variety of Web sites, finding more “eye candy” than the mind could fathom. He began going to sleep later and later at night, as his online activities began to absorb more and more of his time. His basketball coach noticed that he seemed increasingly lethargic on the court, and his grades began to drop. The cyber-lotus fruit of the Internet had done its work well. Barry had numbed the pain of his missing years with his father, and he was now lost in a fog of chat rooms and virtual worlds.

Rethinking the Lotus

2007-04-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Does the lotus fruit exist in our society today? Absolutely! What sorts of things act as an anesthetic for the wounds of life? Let’s take a look at an example.

Video Games: The Story of Trent

By the time Trent had reached middle school, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would have a difficult row to hoe. He was fairly overweight, and to say that he had a poor complexion would have been an understatement. If you were to make an honest assessment of the situation, you would see that Trent had only one or two friends (if you could call them that) in the whole school. Each day, he awoke with a sickening feeling in his gut, knowing the teasing and tormenting that awaited him upon his arrival to school. “Fat ass!” “Pizza face!” “Wide load!” He tried to ignore the comments as his parents had suggested, but deep down, each unkind word cut deep into his heart. His parents were very loving and did the best they could, but the fiery words of his peers did their damage with alarming precision. The enemy was driving a spear deeper and deeper into Trent’s soul.

Trent began to come up with reasons why he just couldn’t go to school in the morning. Sometimes he felt a severe headache coming on, while other times he forced himself to vomit so that his parents wouldn’t make him get on the bus. He started spending more and more time on the Internet, chatting with others online. Some of these new online “friends” introduced Trent to a multiplayer video game in which they were participants.

This newfound activity was a fantasy adventure game that involved some pretty graphic violence. Trent found himself wanting to spend more and more time playing the game, rather than doing other things in the “real world.” His parents soon noticed that he was spending no fewer than five hours every day playing this game and was interacting with his family less and less. At dinnertime, his mother, father, and older sister would take turns trying to start discussions with Trent about things at school or his life in general, but he didn’t have much to say, for his life was beginning to revolve around the game and the fantasy characters that inhabited this virtual world.

Why did a video game become the lotus fruit to this lonely and hurting middle school student? What was the draw—the narcotic effect, if you will? Well, it offered Trent an escape from the reality that was so painful each day. In the real world, he was overweight, had a bad acne problem, and was teased constantly. However, in the virtual world of the game, he was a gun-toting mercenary named Zax, feared and respected by all races throughout the galaxy.

What did the video game offer that reality did not? During the hours that he played the game, Trent could forget about the painful reality he faced day in and day out. The game was, in essence, an opiate. It offered the feeling of power and courage without really requiring anything of him. He was willing to take incredible risks as Zax, such as single-handedly infiltrating the orbiting battle station of an alien invasion force. In real life, meanwhile, Trent rarely took risks and avoided situations where he was sure to be harassed, such as school dances, rest rooms, and stairwells. The game also offered him the illusion of something that is deep in the heart of every boy: adventure and the chance to play the hero. A recent study publicized by BBC News found that nearly a third of all students were playing video games daily, and that close to 10 percent played for at least thirty hours each week! In this example, Trent found himself acting more and more like the entranced lotus-eaters of Homeric epic.

Rethinking Pain-Killers

2007-04-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Man is an animal which, alone among the animals, refuses to be satisfied by the fulfillment of animal desires. Alexander Graham Bell

Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune. Thomas Fuller

Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the
measure of thy desire. Arab proverb

Like Odysseus and his men, adolescents are suffering from painful experiences and memories that seem to cause an unrelenting soul-ache. Do they use this pain to drive them on to real answers and true healing? Sadly, no. Most young people (and adults, as well) attempt to numb the pain they are experiencing. We will next examine how Odysseus’s soldiers endeavored to anesthetize themselves against the suffering they had experienced.

The Lotus-Eaters

Odysseus and his men sailed across the seas in a vain attempt to reach the only home they had ever known. Cursed by the god Poseidon and weary from war and adventure, a fierce storm blew their ship to an island off the coast of Africa. This island had the reputation of being the “land where Morpheus plays.” Morpheus was the Greek god of dreams, the son of Hypnos, the god of sleep, and the nephew of Hades, the god of death and the underworld.

Upon setting foot ashore this strange country, Odysseus and his men crawled upon the sandy beach and fell into a deep sleep. When they awoke, they met a group of people known as the Lotophagi, or “lotus-eaters.” The Lotophagi lived in a drug-induced haze that was the result of eating the narcotic lotus fruit. The inhabitants of this land had little care for the worries and concerns of mortal men and were apathetic toward life. The islanders brought armfuls of the lotus fruit for the crew of Odysseus’s ship. Hungry and hurting from their terrible experiences in war and at sea, the sailors followed the example of the islanders and ate the narcotic fruit.

According to Bernard Evslin’s version of Homer’s Odyssey entitled The Adventures of Ulysses (1969), Morpheus examined the minds of the Greeks as they slept and found anguished memories of warfare and greed. The dream god soothed their sleep with visions of their wives and families and home. As they awoke, they longed to return to the tranquility of their dreams, so they again partook of the lotus fruit and fell into a deeper sleep still.

Sensing that the gods had destined Odysseus for other ends, Morpheus declined to fill the hero’s sleep with intoxicating visions, instead allowing him to dream as he might. Unlike his men, the Greek king experienced frightful nightmares and relived painful memories in a restless and fitful sleep. Rising, he realized that his men had eaten of the lotus fruit and had fallen into a drowsy bliss. Eager to assuage his agony, Odysseus gathered a handful of the enticing fruit and breathed in the inebriating aroma. He knew at once that if he too ate the sweet fruit, his crew would be doomed to spend their days in lethargy and illusion, rather than finally reaching home and family. In an incredible act of the will, Odysseus arose and dragged his entranced men one by one, kicking and screaming, back to the ship and back to reality to continue on their long voyage back to Ithaca.

Rethinking Relationship II

2007-04-25T18:35:00.000-07:00

You teach people how to treat you. Treat yourself with respect and others will tend to do the same. If you devalue yourself, others will as well. If a person feels that he needs another person, it is probably a signal that he is not ready for a relationship. He most likely has some heart issues to deal with first.

The gods sent their messenger from Mount Olympus to talk sense into Calypso and get her to free the despairing Odysseus. We adult leaders will sometimes have to intervene in an unhealthy adolescent relationship. Remember that it is important to continually invest in your own relationships with students so that when the time comes to engage their story in a meaningful way, your advice and guidance will be taken to heart and not summarily dismissed.

Mythic Connections

You might find yourself in a position to specifically address this topic with young adults. If so, you may want to have the students read selections from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the story of Calypso’s island from The Odyssey, or the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus. Some video choices could include any of the film adaptations of Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story, Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo’s Fire, Can’t Buy Me Love, or The Odyssey.

Discussion Questions
• Which character in this story do you identify with most? Why?
• How were the relationships in this story destructive or unhealthy?
• What changes could have been made to improve the relationship?
• Did the characters in these stories truly love each other, or were they together for other reasons, such as fear of being alone, wanting popularity, and so forth?
• Have you ever been in a relationship that was like the relationships in this story? How was it similar?
• Are you in an unhealthy relationship now? If so, what are you going to do about it?

Rethinking Balance

2007-04-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

According to ancient Hawaiian legend, powerful female spirits known as Mo’o took the form of basking lizards and would use their seductive power to ensnare men. It was said that they could alter their form so that they would appear as beautiful women with long dark hair, perhaps sitting by the edge of a waterfall. Once they had seduced a human male, they would often drown him so that no other woman could love him.

To the Hawaiians, it was very important to maintain a balance between the worlds of males and females. They referred to this balance as pono, meaning “correctness.” One should not dominate or control the other, as this was not the way of nature. Seeking something that cannot be found in a human relationship, such as the meaning of life and healing for the soul, would qualify as an imbalance and would lead to problems.

Rethinking Relationship

2007-04-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

Be intentional about building relationships with students. The last thing a student wants is unsolicited advice or assistance from an adult who has never bothered to get to know them. Adult relationships typically evolve over a period of time and require quite a few conversations and shared experiences before there is a willingness to be vulnerable and open. Adolescents are somewhat different in this respect. It is possible to build fairly strong relationships in a relatively short period of time.

Get to know their hobbies, their interests, and the people with whom they spend time. Ask questions about their lives. Bring up a topic they enjoy discussing: themselves! Once they begin to trust you and understand that you are genuinely concerned about them as people, they will usually be willing to listen to advice you have to offer. It is easy to connect with students who are naturally outgoing and popular; challenge yourself by trying to engage those who are quiet, defensive, or intimidating. Those on the fringe desperately need you to be a part of their lives.

Rethinking Awareness IV

2007-04-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

How was Odysseus freed from his captivity on Calypso’s island? Keep in mind, Odysseus had fallen into despair, resigning to the fact that he would never again see his cherished homeland of Ithaca. The mighty hero was in a helpless situation. Intervention had to come from outside the island, from Zeus himself. Why did the gods intervene in this situation? Because they heard the cries of Odysseus and decided to once again step into his story.

Be Aware

Just as the gods noticed the tears of Odysseus, we as adult leaders need to be aware of changes in our students’ behavior. Is a normally happy and upbeat girl now depressed and teary-eyed? Is a boy who is normally talkative suddenly quiet? Is an easygoing student becoming touchy and irritable? Granted, there could be many reasons for such a change, but pay attention to who it is they are spending time with.

If you are a teacher or school counselor, spend time in the hallways or the cafeteria. You would be amazed at what you can learn from time spent daily in the hallways between classes or in the cafeteria during lunch. If you are a coach, pay attention to what is discussed in the locker room or on the field. There you will find adolescents at their most unvarnished. Try to notice who students sit with during unstructured time. This may sound sneaky, but listen in on their conversations. Remember that this is a war for the hearts of the young people in our care! This will reveal a great deal about what is happening in their lives and give you clues as to how you can intervene in destructive relationships.

Rethinking Love III

2007-04-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

William Shakespeare warns us about the dangers of young “love” in his play Romeo and Juliet. He tells the story of two young people who fall in love in the midst of a war between their families. Romeo is a Montague, while Juliet is a Capulet. They chase each other with a passion, but in the end, their unrelenting infatuation leads to their demise.

The star-crossed lovers believed that the answers they sought could be found in the other person. When Romeo believed that Juliet had died, he ended his own life. When Juliet awoke from her deathlike sleep, she committed suicide after realizing that Romeo had taken his life. This play is rightly described as a tragedy! How many adolescent suicides, bouts of depression, and insecurities today are related to lost love, and to the perception that the answers to life’s questions and the source of healing have been lost?

Our culture doesn’t help much. Music videos, video games, television, and the Internet all scream sex. Flip through your television channels. Look at the advertising schemes. What is held up as the ultimate meaning of life? Romantic relationships and physical intimacy! Don’t get me wrong, for those who have had relationships like these, they are wonderful things. They are designed to bring people closer together. But to make these things the object of our quest and our reason for living is to set ourselves up for failure and heartache.

We are in a position to help adolescents navigate through these murky relational waters. There are probably some of you who are thinking that you would never be able to advise a student with issues such as these. You may feel that you don’t have your own act together, so you don’t see how can you possibly help someone else. Don’t worry! Having your life in perfect order is not a prerequisite for helping others.

Rethinking Resurrection II

2007-04-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me. - Luke 22:34

Peter was the fiery fisherman who followed Jesus with a passion. He wore his heart on his sleeves and often said things he later regretted. He was also known as Simon, son of Jonah. Remember that Christ's death, burial, and resurrection were often compared to the story of Jonah who endured three days in the belly of the whale. While his father and the Jonah of biblical epic were two entirely different men, we will see that there is a metaphorical similiarity between Peter and Jonah.

Jesus was physically crucified, bearing the bitter agony of the sins of the world upon himself. He was nailed to the cross with three nails, one through each hand and one through both feet...keep that in mind. He died, was sealed in the tomb, and rose again on the third day, unveiling a new hope for all humanity. While Jesus was traveling his dark path, Peter too was experiencing a crucifixion on the level of the soul, a death of his own making.

When Jesus was handed over to the authorities, Peter waited outside to hear any news of his master's fate.

Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. But when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, "This man was with him." But he denied it. "Woman, I don't know him," he said. - Luke 22:54-57

Peter's heart had just been pierced by the first nail.

A little later someone else saw him and said, "You also are one of them." "Man, I am not!" Peter replied. - Luke 22:58

The second nail was pounded through.

About an hour later another asserted, "Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean." Peter replied, "Man, I don't know what you're talking about!" Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly. - Luke 22:59-62

The third nail impaled his heart with such force that Peter wept aloud. He was crucified, maybe not literally but his heart knew the truth. His Lord was crucified on Golgotha with criminals, writhing in agony. Peter was on the streets with criminals, writhing from inner agony. He had disowned his master and friend in his hour of greatest need. He had lost hope, friendship, and his courage in three hammer blows. Just like Jonah, he had been swallowed by the whale that had been lurking in the depths of his soul.

Imagine the next morning and the morning after that. The crowing of roosters must have felt like salt poured into searing wounds, again reminding him of his failure and denial. He was in Hell, the outer darkness, where, as C.S. Lewis declared, being fades away into non-entity. Then came Sunday...

The tomb of Christ was empty. An angel appeared exclaiming that he had risen, just as he said he would! The disciples were amazed when Jesus manifested his presence among them. Peter, however, was still in the belly of the whale.

Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. "I'm going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We'll go with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. - John 21:1-3

Nothing could erase the pain he had caused. The old fisherman would have to bear this the rest of his life. He decided to leave the fellowship and return to fishing, to go it alone in the world. He had returned to his old pursuits. Envision Peter near the bow of the boat, staring blankly toward the shore, feeling lost and alone in the morning fog.

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?" "No," they answered. He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. - John 21:1-3

Just as Jesus had called him all those years ago, so too was he being called now.

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. - John 21:7

Peter's heart burned within him. He knew where his heart was and in a beautifully Forest Gump-like moment, jumps off the boat while it is still out to sea. Just as Jonah was vomited upon the beach after his time in the belly of the whale, Peter swims ashore, crawls out on the sand, and sits down to breakfast with Jesus. The three nail wounds still ache in his soul...and Jesus knows this.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of Jonah, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." - John 21:15

Jesus doesn't hesitate. Had he left the old fisherman wounded, it would have been a scourge upon the rest of his life. He removes the first nail.

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of Jonah, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." - John 21:16

The second nail is removed.

The third time he said to him, "Simon son of Jonah, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!" - John 21:17-19

The third and deepest nail was pulled out...it hurts. It always does, but Peter's resurrection was complete. The old man had been crucified with Christ and now only the new man remained. Jesus foreshadows Peter's own death by inverted crucifixion, but it does not matter. Peter was now truly, as Jesus had named him, the Rock. He had been through fire, death, and water. What could man do to him? He was unstopable, unbreakable.

What nails need to be pulled out of your heart? What cross do you bear? Often we build up walls around our wounded parts to protect them, but the wounds do not heal. In essence, we create our own tomb. How have you created a tomb around your heart? Do you need to experience a resurrection in your life right now? Easter reminds us that there is hope in the midst of great darkness.

Rethinking Resurrection

2007-04-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet. Psalm 22:14-16

It is Good Friday. Christians around the world are commemorating the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ. At first glance, it appears odd that such an observation would be known as Good Friday, but if we look deeper, look beyond, we will see that it is indeed...good.

Throughout the millennia, human beings have developed a mythos around the seemingly impossible hope of resurrection. It is a brave hope, a desire to overcome the ever nearing reality of the grave. The Sumerians who created the world's first civilization told the story of Dumuzi, a fertility god who was carried off to the underworld during the hot Summer months, only to rise again at the autumnal equinox. The mythology of the Egyptians describe the brutal murder of Osiris, his descent to the underworld, and his eventual resurrection and establishment of the god of afterlife. The Greeks held that Dionysus experienced a resurrection of sorts, as did the Persian Mithras. Polynesian legends speak of a divine eel that gave up its life, only to rise again as a coconut tree so that the islanders would be provided with sustenance.

Even our modern tales carry this primal desire aloft. I love how the movie Braveheart shows the impassioned rise of the warriors of Scotland following the horrific execution of William Wallace. Neo experiences death at the hands of computer-controlled agents of the Matrix, but then is restored with an even greater power and sense of purpose. Gandalf the Grey falls to his doom, doing battle with the demonic Balrog in the darkness of Moria, but is then reborn into Middle Earth as Gandalf the White, head of the Order. Resurrection is and always has been the great hope of humanity.

Nature itself conveys the deep longing. Spring turns to Summer, which turns to Autumn, then eventually to Winter. With a beautiful intensity, the endless Winter once again gives way to the joy of Spring. A seed dies, is buried, and rises again as a flowering plant, something much more majestic that it once was. The sun dies in the west and rises again in the east. Sorrow and death are overcome by laughter and splendor. All creation speaks of this mystery.

In the first century AD, Jesus of Nazareth, a real historical figure, embodied what all the myths had echoed throughout the centuries. He incarnated the hopeful mystery of restoration whispered by the first sweet winds of Spring and the bright rays of the dawn. Just as an author makes use of foreshadowing in a good novel, so too does the Author make use of this literary tool in the Great Story. Jesus was crucified on a hill called "The Skull" and buried in a rock tomb. This all happened on a Friday.

But You caused my life to ascend up from the pit, Yahweh, my God. - Jonah 2:6

The entombment of Christ is often compared metaphorically with an earlier biblical story, that of Jonah. In the book of Jonah, the prophet is swallowed by a whale due to his refusal to obey God. What is the significance of Jonah in the belly of the whale? Well, the belly is where digestion takes place. One substance is destroyed, broken down, and through this transformation, the substance is converted to energy. The tomb in ancient times was viewed in much the same way. The term "sarcophagus" literally means "flesh eater" because what was temporal wasted away in the tomb.

When the disciples of Jesus went to his tomb early Sunday morning, they found it empty. He had risen. Death had been overcome. Likewise, Jonah was vomited out on the shore, a changed man. The belly of the whale had digested the old self and had created a new man. The resurrection of Jesus pierced the veil that separated the temporal and the eternal, creating a way for humanity to partake in the same transformation that poets, prophets, storytellers, and nature itself expressed in epics, oracles, and the germinating seed.

Are you experiencing the belly of the whale right now? Are you sealed in some personal tomb? What is being digested and broken down in your life? Allow the transformative power of Christ's resurrection to create a new life within your heart, an Easter of your own. There is hope...never lose sight of this even in your darkest hours.

The sign of the cross has to be looked upon as a sign of eternal affirmation of all that ever was or shall ever be. It symbolizes not only the one historic moment on Calvary but the mystery through all time and space of God's presence and participation in the agony of all living things. - Joseph Campbell

Rethinking Love II

2007-04-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

Teenage relationships that are passionate, move fast, and lead to heartache and ruin. Just as Odysseus washed ashore on the island of Calypso, wounded and in pain, many adolescents run to the arms of the opposite sex for solace, a shelter in the midst of life’s storms. In essence, they end up seeking answers to their heart’s deep questions in another person. This is a recipe for disaster.

Counselors, teachers, and parents could tell countless tales of young girls who sought their answers from a teenage boy. They give of themselves physically, believing that if they give everything they have, the answers and healing they seek will be found. Usually, they find the opposite instead—more pain and more confusion. The boy will often feel smothered from the weight of the girl’s needs and will run from the situation. The girl will then be devastated by the loss of what she perceived as the quest object of her life and will despair. When you make someone else your life’s goal, you feel destroyed and hopeless if they leave.

The way adolescent boys end up running to girls as their source of healing and life’s answers can look a little different. A teenage boy may become subservient to a girl, catering to her every whim, just as Odysseus was made prisoner to Calypso. The girl may become more demanding and bossy and begin to look down upon her boyfriend for his neediness and lack of courage to stand up to her. This is typically because what drew her to the boy in the first place was his strong, untamed nature. Deep down, she isn’t looking for someone who needs her, she is hoping for someone who wants her. This may appear to be a subtle difference, but it is very significant. She will push and push, actually hoping to prod the boy into standing up to her demands. This may sound odd, but it occurs frequently.

A darker way in which some teenage boys take their quest to their girlfriends is through violence. Searching for healing and answers, a boy will sometimes feel strong anger toward the girl for not providing what his heart is seeking. In situations like these, abuse is common. In a move that seems to defy common sense, the girl, struggling with her own wounds and insecurities, will commonly stay with the abuser. Like Odysseus, these young people end up becoming captives of the very thing they found so alluring in the beginning. As Calypso served only to delay Odysseus’s journey home, so too do unhealthy relationships delay an adolescent’s quest to find the healing and heart-level answers for which they search.

Rethinking Intervention

2007-03-31T21:14:00.000-07:00

How was Odysseus freed from his captivity on Calypso’s island? Keep in mind, Odysseus had fallen into despair, resigning to the fact that he would never again see his cherished homeland of Ithaca. The mighty hero was in a helpless situation. Intervention had to come from outside the island, from Zeus himself. Why did the gods intervene in this situation? Because they heard the cries of Odysseus and decided to once again step into his story. Do you know adolescents who are involved in destructive relationships?

Be Aware

Just as the gods noticed the tears of Odysseus, we as adult leaders need to be aware of changes in our students’ behavior. Is a normally happy and upbeat girl now depressed and teary-eyed? Is a boy who is normally talkative suddenly quiet? Is an easygoing student becoming touchy and irritable? Granted, there could be many reasons for such a change, but pay attention to who it is they are spending time with.

If you are a teacher or school counselor, spend time in the hallways or the cafeteria. You would be amazed at what you can learn from time spent daily in the hallways between classes or in the cafeteria during lunch. If you are a coach, pay attention to what is discussed in the locker room or on the field. There you will find adolescents at their most unvarnished. Try to notice who students sit with during unstructured time. This may sound sneaky, but listen in on their conversations. Remember that this is a war for the hearts of the young people in our care! This will reveal a great deal about what is happening in their lives and give you clues as to how you can intervene in destructive relationships.

Rethinking Captivity

2007-03-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

Odysseus, drifting in an endless sea of despair, washed ashore on an unknown island. All he understood was that his face was against the rough, grainy sand of a beach, and that he was for the moment safe from Poseidon’s apparently unyielding wrath. His vision skewed due to lack of sleep and his taxing ordeal, he came upon a shimmering apparition. He asked this strange being where he had landed. With voice enticing, she assured him that he was now home. Feeling the hope arise in his heart, the hero supposed that he had arrived in Ithaca; however, he was very much mistaken, for he had actually landed on the island of the sea nymph, Calypso.

Homer tells us that this intoxicating divinity had fallen in love with the mortal Odysseus. The poet gives us no indication that this love wasn’t the real thing. Calypso passionately loved Odysseus. Nonetheless, he knew that his fate lay along another path. His heart's longing was for his true home and for his family. The sea nymph’s tidal passion for Odysseus caused her to, in essence, imprison him on her island. Being battered and faint from his horrendous trials, the hero collapsed into the loving embrace of Calypso.

Calypso’s beauty and strong enchantments powerfully diverted Odysseus from the hurts and pains of his past. For close to two years, the Greek hero set aside his ultimate goal, the return to his dear Penelope and Ithaca. Lost in the haze of Calypso’s charms, he began to believe that he would remain eternally with this alluring beauty—that this was, as Calypso had declared, his home.

If Odysseus had ended his journey on the island of this sea-nymph, we would have been left wanting more. True, this island and its beautiful mistress provided a sharp contrast to the ferocity of Poseidon’s anger, but they did not provide what Odysseus ultimately wanted most. The aching hunger to return to his home and family resurfaced, and tears began to flow. Painful, yes, but the sorrow often reflects a good pain, an emptiness that moves us on, that forces us to remember that we were made for more than this. The romance and beauty that Calypso gave to Odysseus had only served to thwart his quest. Does this story have a familiar ring to anyone?

The gods of Olympus heard the cries of the hero-king and, considering his destiny, sent the messenger-god to the island prison. Hermes came to Calypso and relayed the will of Zeus. He declared that Odysseus was to be set free from the bonds of this island and was to be permitted to continue his quest. Embittered by this word from on high, Calypso protested. Finally, Hermes warned the goddess that dire consequences drive her island to the bottom of Poseidon's sea if she insisted on keeping Odysseus captive. Calypso relented at last, and Odysseus was free to journey on!

Rethinking Monsters

2007-03-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

Odysseus, on his long journey home to his wife Penelope and son Telemachus, had survived the terrors of a hideous monster, Scylla, who devoured many of his crew in the shadows of a narrow sea passage. The blind prophet Teiresias had warned the mighty hero of the dangers of this terrible foe, but desiring home more than fearing for his life, Odysseus chanced the terrors of Scylla. He and his men courageously sailed through the narrow, rocky passage where she lurked in the shadows. In a few awful moments, the multiheaded Scylla tore the sailors to pieces with gnashing, razorlike teeth, and one by one devoured the bloody remains. Watching in helpless horror, Odysseus and the few men left rowed with all their might, fleeing the fearsome monster.

In an unrelenting succession of terror, the Greek warship then edged ever closer to the monstrous tidal pool known as Charybdis. The ever-hungry whirlpool swallowed the rest of his crew, only Odysseus managing to escape with his life, though it wouldn’t be much of a life now. Battered and broken, brave Odysseus clung desperately to a piece of wreckage and was tossed by the waves of the Poseidon’s sea. Believing now that he would never see his sweet Ithaca again, he felt himself falling into darkness, with the sea god’s curse echoing through the recesses of his mind.

Not many adolescents have had encounters with mythological monsters like Scylla and Charybdis. However, considering the formidable experiences they have faced heretofore, one could contend that they are nearly equivalent to the horrors that confronted Odysseus. While the students may not have stared into the daggerlike teeth of Scylla, there are those who have been abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. None of them have been drowned in the powerful whirling waters of Charybdis, but there are those who have drowned in the overpowering expectations and demands of parents and friends. Many students have encountered monsters just as ghastly as those described in Homer’s epic. Where do they turn for solace and shelter from the storm? Where did Odysseus turn?

Rethinking "Love"

2007-03-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to
love—and to put its trust in life. — Joseph Conrad

You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her. — Anonymous

Teens today have been wounded in a variety of ways. They are hurting. Outwardly, things may seem fine, but below the waters, there is a immense private suffering. Look at our society. What is put forth as the solution to our problems and our pain? It's romantic love, isn't it? Watch a few TV shows. The shows aimed at young people portray the main character trying to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. No doubt, it can be entertaining, but it won’t make things right in the world. Commercials communicate the same message. “Wear this deodorant and you’ll have to fight the girls off!” “Try this shampoo and the boys will flock to your side!” There are so many messages in our culture that sear the idea into the minds of adolescents that if you find the right person, it will make everything all right.

It makes sense then that when students search for answers to life’s heavy questions, they take their quest to the opposite sex. How many girls at the school lunch table have conversations that focus on boys? Quite a few! Do adolescent boys feel pressure to have sex with a girl? Absolutely! There are a great many unhealthy relationships in our secondary schools today. Why? Because students are looking for the answers they seek and the healing for their soul-wounds in the opposite sex, with little or no guidance from parents or teachers. Odysseus came upon such a dilemma when he encountered the beautiful sea nymph Calypso.

Rethinking Doors

2007-03-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

When you follow your bliss...doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else. - Joseph Campbell

Whenever we have something set upon our heart to do, we feel a rush of excitement. We feel refreshed, "At last, this is the thing I was meant to do!" But, the voices of doubt slowly creep in. "This is too big for me." "I couldn't possibly do something like this." "Nobody would want to listen to what I have to say." "What would others think?" Whatever the voices say, remember that the enemy would love to shred your dreams and visions before they can even take root. What is in your heart is a threat to him.

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid! - Goethe

When you listen to what has been placed in your heart, you are listening to the voice of God, for that is where God speaks to us. When you follow your dreams, you will find you have a powerful Ally. So doors will open before us and paths will be made clear before us where we never thought possible. Your dreams and desires will meet resistance, but that only helps you see beyond to the enemy that attacks what he most fears. Keep looking for the open doors.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. - Harold Whitman

Rethinking Why We Fight

2007-03-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

I just returned from watching the movie 300. The visuals were stunning and the violence, graphic. For those of you who know your history, you remember that in 480 B.C. the Persian king, Xerxes, set out with tens upon thousands of troops to conquer the free city-states of Greece, including Athens and Sparta. Three hundred Spartans, under the command of Leonidas, stood in the gap between the Persian hordes and the unprepared Greek peoples. Resisting wave after wave of Persian onslaught, the Spartans held the narrow pass of Thermopylae for days, allowing the rest of Greece to prepare for battle. They were ultimately defeated, by an act of betrayal, but their valiant stand enabled the Athenian navy to defeat the Persian fleet at Salamis.

If the Persians had conquered Greece, Western Civilization may have been wiped out in its infancy. Did the Spartans understand this while bravely standing in the gap for their countrymen? Probably not. Rather, they what they knew to be the right thing at the right time.

Sometimes our battle for the young people in our lives seems overwhelming and the assaults seem to be unrelenting. Sometimes we feel betrayed. But standing in the gap for the young against the forces that would tear them apart is always the right thing to do. Looking back with some perspective, we may be able to see how our fight has influenced lives and changed destinies. Then again, we may not be able to see all ends. The important thing is to do what your heart tells you is right at the right moment. In the end, that makes all the difference.

"Our arrows will blot out the sun." - the Persians

"So much the better, we shall fight in the shade." - Dienekes, Spartan Soldier

Rethinking Mastering the Tides

2007-03-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

Remember, your actions—no matter how affirming and strong—will not end the trials and tribulations that the adolescents in our lives must endure, but they will go a long way toward helping them establish a healthy identity and sense of self-worth. As Gandalf, the wise wizard in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, so eloquently said:

Yet it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succor of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.

Rethinking Gifts V

2007-03-15T05:20:00.000-07:00

The mythical pattern encourages us, as authority figures, not only to affirm and encourage the young with our words but also to present them with a concrete demonstration that we actually believe what we are saying about them. This is the gift. As Menelaus gave Telemachus a priceless silver bowl handcrafted by the gods and Obi-Wan gave Luke his father’s light saber, so too must we give a gift that expresses the reality of our words. What gifts do you have to give the students in your life? Oftentimes, the gift can be an opportunity, similar to the opportunity adult leaders gave to Manuel, Jordan, and Meredith. Other times, it can be a literal, physical present.

I had the privilege of mentoring a young man, a high school senior, who had unfortunately managed to get into a great deal of trouble. His father was active in his life and wanted to be a part of the mentoring process whenever possible. As the boy made progress throughout the year and became accountable for his actions, his relationship with his father improved. Throughout his mentoring sessions, his father affirmed the good and noble characteristics that he observed in his son’s life. Though a frequently painful process, the young man began to make significant strides. Upon his graduation from high school, his father presented him with a gift that blew him away! He gave his son an actual sword, a real Scottish Claymore like the one William Wallace used in the movie Braveheart (1995). With this gift, the young man knew that his father actually believed that he could be trusted with something dangerous. He was trustworthy.

When you consider this aspect of the mythical archetype, ask yourself some questions about a student you want to impact. What gift would provide the student with an understanding that your words have real meaning—that they are not empty? Can you arrange some opportunity for this young person that would communicate your trust in her or allow her to realize the strength she doesn’t believe she possesses?

Rethinking Affirmation

2007-03-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

Look for opportunities to affirm the good qualities of the students in your circle. Remember that your words are more powerful than you will ever know! Some students will make it more challenging than others to find positive qualities, but don’t give up! Look for what they could be, not what they are right now. Keep in mind that adolescents are often unable to see those traits in themselves. Discover those positive characteristics and call attention to them!

Rethinking the Past

2007-03-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

There is a craving deep inside each of us to understand where we came from. If we know the story of our heritage, our roots, then recognizing our own place in the world will be a little easier. Just as Telemachus sought out the truth about his father, so do today’s adolescents long to know the story of their families. Too many families in our day and age have no real connection to their pasts. Moving from city to city, state to state, and even country to country, more students are feeling the sense of being disconnected with their traditions and heritage.

A few years ago, I assigned my students a family history project. I was amazed at how motivated these adolescents were when it came to studying the story of their families. There were some who managed to reconstruct their own family history, based on conversations with older relatives. This is an superb way to connect the vigor of the young with the wisdom and experience of the elderly!

Students sat and listened to the stories of their grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles. This helped many of the students to see themselves as a part of a continuum, an important piece of something much larger than themselves. The students were further instructed that they were to design their own family crest, a medieval shield bearing symbols, colors, or pictures of positive character traits that were important to their family. This was something concrete that they could take with them as a reminder of where they came from and the solid traditions that were a crucial part of their heritage. Even in the most dysfunctional families, we were able to draw out that which was good and worth passing on.

Rethinking the Journey IV

2007-03-09T19:04:00.000-08:00

Bruce Feiler, host of PBS's Walking the Bible miniseries, eloquently reflected that, "Some journeys we choose to go on...some journeys choose us." It's probably truer than most of us realize. Which journeys in your life have you felt an urge to begin? Which journeys have chosen you?

Many of you who work with students know that they come in and out of your life. Some we are able to stay in touch with, while others continue down a path that doesn’t intersect with ours again. That’s okay. That’s the way it’s meant to be. I don’t know what has become of many of my students. Occasionally they cross my mind, but they are on a journey all their own. What I do know is that while I was in a position of influence over these young lives, I fought for their hearts in a way that has been passed down to us through the great stories of yesterday and today.

Rethinking What We See

2007-03-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

Adolescents will often begin to see the things that we identify in them. If we point out a liar, a thief, a failure, or a drain on society, they will tend to follow that lead and begin to believe those things about themselves. On the other hand, if you see an adolescent who has the potential to be an honest person, someone who is capable of being trustworthy, or one who could possibly make a significant contribution to the world—and you tell them about it—they are much more likely to see those good characteristics in themselves. Someone once said that the word potential simply means “they haven’t done it yet.” In a sense, that’s true. That is why it is important to follow the mythical pattern we’ve been examining. A gift or task always follows the affirmation. Give students an opportunity to work out that potential in their own lives. Tremendous things have humble beginnings. It is a reoccurring theme in the cosmos. Remember the Big Bang!

Rethinking Meredith

2007-03-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Meredith was a high school sophomore who went out for the summer league swim team. She was an incredibly hard worker who gave 110 percent to each workout. Her swim coach, Ms. Nida, liked Meredith right away and, as her coach, naturally wanted her to experience success in the pool. If we look deep enough into anyone’s eyes, we will see the smoke from a battle raging within. It was no different with this young lady. You see, Meredith had been labeled a “choker,” meaning that she swam well in practice, but when it came time to perform in a swim meet, she always seemed to come up short.

Meredith’s swim team, the Lake Shore Sharks, was preparing to swim against one of their strongest summer league rivals, the Kahkwa Cruisers. Both the boys and girls teams were excited and nervous about the annual swim meet. The week prior to the event, they turned their excess energy into making signs and slogan-bearing T-shirts and a lot of splashing and hollering. This swim meet was the highlight of the year! The 200-meter freestyle relay was the most anticipated event of the meet. All the swimmers waited anxiously to see whom the coaches would choose to enter in the relay.

Ms. Nida decided that this was the right time to intervene in Meredith’s story. The relay assignments would not be posted until the day of the swim meet, but she had a chance to speak with Meredith the prior to the race. She told her that she was so pleased with her work ethic in practice and that it was time for that effort to produce some results. Ms. Nida let her know that she had the “right stuff” to be a champion. These were words Meredith had heard before, but this time the coach went a step further. She gave her a quest, her own Gorgon to slay. Well, maybe not a literal monster, but a hobgoblin of the heart, which is no less terrifying. Ms. Nida told her that she had decided to give her the coveted anchor position on the girls’ 18-and-under relay.

The blood drained from Meredith’s face. It was indeed a gift, but she didn’t see it as such . . . yet. The lies of the villain Meredith had believed about herself began to flow out of her mouth like water. “I’m a choker! The other girls will hate me if I don’t win it for them! I can’t do it!” But her coach simply said, “Meredith, I believe you can.”

Meredith didn’t get much sleep that night, thinking about her race the next day. Finally, the day arrived. Banners, crowds, cheers, and nerves filled the natatorium. As they headed into the final relays, the pressure was on! When Meredith stepped onto the starting block to anchor the 200 freestyle relay, the cheers erupted. Her heart was racing!

Did Meredith win in a close race allowing Lake Shore to prevail? No. This story didn’t end with a win. Quite the contrary, Kahkwa beat Lake Shore handily. However, a victory was secured that probably went undetected by most. Meredith swam her heart out! She didn’t choke. They didn’t win the race, but Meredith swam the fastest time of her life! People must have thought it strange that day to see Ms. Nida, the swim coach, jumping up and down with excitement on the pool deck as the team was losing to its rival. She was cheering for a team member who didn’t even win the blue ribbon!

Despite what some parents and coaches might say, youth sports aren’t about winning; they’re about building character and heart. The battles for the heart are often subtly won or lost, like the marathon runner who places 127th, but finishes the race. Meredith’s Medusa was slain that day; she just needed the gift of the magical sword with which to dispatch the hideous monster. In this case the sword was the anchor position on the girls’ relay team. Her new identity began to form as one who could come through when it counts. She was no longer the choker.

Rethinking Treasure

2007-03-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

This morning, Joel Osteen delivered a message about doing the things in life that set in your heart. There are all sorts of powers that will set themselves against you when you set out to live your dreams, things which will test your resolve and shake you to the core.

Osteen later made a comment that really struck me as profound. He asked the question, "Where is the greatest treasure in all the world?" He then went on to say that it wasn't in the diamond mines of South Africa, or the oil fields of the Middle East. Rather, it lies just beneath the cemeteries and graveyards of our world. How many dreams lay down there, unrealized? How many books went unwritten? How many cures for diseases went undiscovered? How many deeds went undone out of the fear of stepping into our desire?

Harold Whitman writes, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

If we bury our dreams and desires too long, we may find that they will remain that way forever. Follow your bliss...

So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
Oh baby, we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of

And in the end on dreams we will depend
'Cause that's what love is made of
Van Halen - Dreams

Rethinking Jordan

2007-03-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

A few years earlier, a youth worker named Siofra had had the opportunity to come in contact with a young lady who was going into her junior year of high school. She was attending a camp known as the Gateway Teen Institute, where Siofra was working as a summer counselor. The girl’s name was Jordan, and Siofra could tell from her actions that she would rather have been invisible. She was quiet, the sort of kid that tends to fly under the radar, the kind that adult leaders often overlook.

After some time had passed, the counselors met to discuss the students that were participating in the summer camp. When Jordan’s name came up, no one could say anything about her. That immediately sent up a red flag. It was troubling that there seemed to be a nonentity at the camp. The counselors put their heads together and came up with a plan to engage her. What did Jordan’s actions reveal concerning her beliefs about herself? She may have been clinging to the misconception that she had nothing valuable to offer the group. Perhaps she believed that no one would want to listen to her ideas. That was where they as adult leaders needed to intercede.

The counselors arranged to meet with Jordan not long after this discussion. Siofra shared the positive attributes of her character and personality. The other counselors discussed how they observed her caring for others in a soft, quiet manner. Then they had the opportunity to challenge her to rise up. One by one, they each related how they believed that she carried within her the ability to be a gifted leader. It is very important to note that, when we affirm young people, we must be honest about what we see in them. Adolescents have an uncanny ability to spot a phony!

Following the mythical pattern, Siofra next needed to present Jordan with a gift. While winged sandals, a personal army, or a helmet of invisibility would have been really neat gifts, she thought that something else might be just as potent. Siofra instead declared her to be the new team captain for her camping team! From this point on, Jordan had to approve all decisions made by the team, and everyone else was obligated to discuss their ideas with Jordan.

Now, Jordan didn’t discover a cure for cancer or bring about world peace during her tenure as captain, but she did make some valuable contributions to the team. She began to open up to other students, made some friends, and explored the possibility that she had something important to offer.

Rethinking Manuel

2007-02-28T06:42:00.000-08:00

This combination that we have observed in our timeless stories is a key to helping young people today establish a sense of identity. How do we, as adults, become Menelaus, Obi-Wan, Mr. Miyagi, Aslan, or Athena for the students in our lives? It is different in every situation, because every adolescent is unique, but let’s take a look at some examples.

The Story of Manuel

Manuel, a thirteen-year-old student, moved into the school district from Los Angeles halfway through the year. He was somewhat flippant about school rules, and as the year progressed, he found himself in trouble more often than not. Manuel was in and out of detention and eventually was suspended from school for a period of time. His home life was chaotic. His father had walked out on the family when he was very young, and he and his mother had lived with one relative after another over a period of several years. Furthermore, being Latino in a predominately white, suburban school wasn’t easy.

His math teacher, Mr. Alfhild, noticed that Manuel was really struggling in this new environment. As a teacher, what could he do? How could he intervene in a situation that didn’t develop overnight any more than it could be “solved” overnight? It had to start with Manuel. The boy had no idea of his place in the world. Who was he? He was well acquainted with what the disparaging voices of the enemy had been shouting at him most of his life: “You are a troublemaker! You have no home. You can’t be trusted!” But who was he really? Helping Manuel build a positive sense of identity was the key. Mr. Alfhild had to follow the archetype that the great storytellers had been whispering throughout the millennia.

One day they happened to have a few moments to chat—more accurately, Mr. Alfhild, like Athena, arranged for the encounter. When Manuel walked into the math classroom, Mr. Alfhild knew by the look on his face that Manuel thought he had done something wrong. He asked him to sit down. Manuel looked nervous. What happened next was a complete surprise. Mr. Alfhild told Manuel that he had been observing him for quite a while now and had noticed that he possessed many good qualities. Manuel appeared somewhat shocked that Mr. Alfhild had not brought him in to yell at him or confront him about this problem or that. Instead, Mr. Alfhild had asked Manuel to meet so that he could pay him a compliment!

It is so important that we look for the positive things in a young person’s life. If we search for the negative, we are sure to find it. Isn’t that true about your own life as well? This can really be a challenge! We are so conditioned to seek the negative that we can completely overlook the positive in other people. Students especially need to hear us affirm the good in their lives. It is important to look beyond what a young person is right now, at this present moment, and instead see what they could become. The children look up to us and respect what we as adult leaders have to say (despite messages they may convey to the contrary). We carry an authority that comes with our position. Use it wisely!

After reinforcing Manuel’s good qualities and the potential Mr. Alfhild saw in him, he thought about the second piece to the mythical model, bequeathing a gift. What could a teacher give to him? Well, let’s see. Menelaus gave Telemachus a silver bowl, crafted by the gods themselves. No . . . what would Manuel do with a silver bowl? Obi-Wan entrusted Luke with his father’s light saber. Seriously, what would a thirteen-year-old boy do with a Jedi’s weapon? Probably have the time of his life! Mr. Miyagi bequeathed his classic yellow car to Daniel LaRusso. But Manuel was thirteen, not sixteen, and what teacher can just go around giving away cars? No, this had to be something different. What Mr. Alfhild ended up giving Manuel was a job. Manuel would now be Mr. Alfhild’s official office runner. If he had some important memo to send to the office, he would carefully seal it in an envelope and hand it over to Manuel for safe delivery.

To an adult, this duty might have seemed like a chore. However, looking at this new role through the eyes of a middle school student is a completely different experience. What had Mr. Alfhild really given to Manuel? On the surface, a job, but remember that the gift is always a concrete demonstration of something deeper. He was giving him his trust, something no one had offered him before. Mr. Alfhild was expressing with that gift the idea that Manuel was trustworthy. He was good. He was now an “office runner,” someone to be trusted, not just a troublemaker. He had a position and a title. As Manuel began to live up to the gift that was given to him, Mr. Alfhild could tell that there were subtle changes in his demeanor. He became friendlier with other teachers in the building, and because of that, other teachers began treating him in the same manner. We teach people how to treat us, and that’s just what Manuel began to learn. At the end of the year, Mr. Alfhild gave him a certificate as an award for being an excellent office runner. It was well deserved!

Rethinking Gifts VI

2007-02-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

The Greek hero Perseus was sent into exile as a child by his fearful grandfather who was told by an oracle that his grandson would one day bring an end to his rule. He and his mother Danae were locked in a wooden chest and set adrift on the sea until one day they landed on the shores of the island of Seriphos. The young hero grew up on this island with no real idea of his place in the world. He was lost. He doubted himself and his ability to face the serious challenges of life.

One day, the king of the island, Polydectes, demanded tribute from Perseus and his mother, a tribute that neither could afford to pay. Perseus pleaded with the king, saying that he had nothing to offer but his service. The king, seizing the opportunity, assigned to Perseus what seemed to be an impossible task: he wanted the head of the fearsome Gorgon Medusa. The Gorgons were creatures, loathed by gods and men, whose hair was comprised of venomous snakes. They possessed the chilling ability to turn those that gazed upon her hideous faces into stone.

Perseus was faced with a challenge that tested the strength of his resolve. Was he up to the challenge? Imagine the thoughts that might have gone through his mind at the time. “This is too big for me. I will fail if I try. She’ll turn me to stone like all the rest!” That is the critical moment when the goddess Athena entered the story. She too followed the mythical pattern we have described previously. Perseus encountered Athena—or perhaps we should say, Athena arranged for the meeting. She counseled the young Perseus, encouraging him with her words.

Demonstrating her faith in the young hero in a way that was very concrete, Athena gave him her very own shield, a reflective shield that would allow him to see Medusa without gazing directly at her. She further directed him where to acquire the other tools he would need to complete his quest, including a sword, a helmet of invisibility, winged sandals, and a magical bag. The young hero went forth, knowing that a goddess believed that there was something in him that was capable of accomplishing great deeds. He also carried with him the physical representation of Athena’s belief in him, the shield, sword, and other implements necessary to achieve his goal.

Rethinking Gifts V

2007-02-23T06:56:00.000-08:00

An old German folktale, “Iron Hans,” tells of a wild man who spirits a young prince away from his palace to the wilderness. There he affirms the young man’s innate strength and courage. Demonstrating his confidence in the youth, the wild man eventually gives him command of a mighty army with which he is able to defend a kingdom from invasion!

Rethinking Gifts IV

2007-02-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

In the 1984 movie The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi repairs Daniel LaRusso’s bicycle after a brutal assault on Daniel by a gang of bullies, letting him know that he matters. He then goes on to teach him the dangerous art of karate, letting him know that he trusts him to use it in a way that will not seek to harm others. The final gift he then presents Daniel blows him away! Mr. Miyagi handed him the keys to a beautiful yellow, classic car on his sixteenth birthday. This demonstrates that the older Miyagi has respect for and trusts the younger LaRusso to handle the responsibility wisely. Miyagi quietly but firmly delivers blows to the enemy who would crush his young pupil's heart.

Rethinking Gifts III

2007-02-19T14:39:00.000-08:00

Do we see this pattern in other stories—a mentor or authority figure callings out the good, strong, and virtuous qualities of a younger individual, then reinforcing this new identity through a meaningful gift? Absolutely! C. S. Lewis’s beloved book The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1950) portrays this pattern beautifully. When the four Pevensie children find themselves in the magical realm of Narnia, they are confronted with the deadly reality that this amazing land is suffering under the wintry spell of the White Witch. There is a war brewing between the forces of light and darkness, good and evil.

The two boys and two girls are hunted by the evil servants of the witch, and with the help of the talking woodland creatures flee to meet Aslan, the mighty Lion, King of the Wood. Upon encountering Aslan, the children are filled with awe and terror at his striking majesty. But does this mighty lion pounce upon the frightened children, devouring them in a single gulp? Not at all! Instead he does something rather surprising. He announces their true identities, as the rightful kings and queens of all Narnia.

Further following the pattern we’ve observed in other stories, the great Lion goes on to bestow unique gifts upon each of the children. To Lucy, the younger girl, he gives a magical, healing cordial. This gift affirms a wonderful quality in this young girl, that she is a healer at heart; she has a deep desire to help others in need. Aslan then gifts Susan, the older girl, with a powerful horn that will summon help whenever help is most needed. You see, Susan often struggled with self-image and longed to know that she was worth rescuing, worth fighting for. Finally, to the boys, Peter and Edmund, Aslan gives swords and shields. These are dangerous weapons in the hands of children, and weapons can be used for either great good or great evil. In human history, with weapons the Afghans were liberated from the tyranny of the Taliban, and with weapons the Mongols exacted their terrible toll upon the continent of Asia. The outcome depends upon who wields the weapons. Even though Peter and Edmund felt frightened by the war that was threatening to engulf them, Aslan saw what the boys were on the inside: fierce warriors who would defend the side of good with passion and heart. Knowing that someone who was wise, good, and powerful believed in them made all the difference in the world!

Rethinking Gifts II

2007-02-17T19:55:00.000-08:00

Menelaus bequeathed a royal silver bowl to Telemachus, endorsing the young prince as the rightful heir of Odysseus; likewise, Obi-Wan gave Luke his father’s light saber, the weapon of the Jedi. What else was he giving Luke through the gift of a powerful weapon? What was the unspoken message? Obi-Wan was letting him know that, as the son of a Jedi, Luke had what it takes to wield such an implement. He was also extending his trust. He trusted that Luke would use the weapon for good and not evil. What did Menelaus really give Telemachus? It was nothing less than a potent symbolic declaration that young man was worthy of royal authority. What powerful statements—and this time without words!